rhaychagainstthemachine

Useless

2009-09-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

In general, I can say that I'm physically strong all my life. You won't find me stationary for a long time. There's always something that I would do because if not I think I would die. I would be running around, dancing to any beat, going to different places, etc.

Some people notice that I walk very fast. I remember my officemates teasing me with my speedy walk. We would usually walk along the covered walkway from our office in Ayala to the Ayala MRT station. One time, we all went out of the office at the same time but I needed to go to our other office along Paseo so I told them to go ahead. After I was done with my errand in our Paseo office, I started walking back to our path. And you know what, I actually saw them still on the covered walkway and was able to get pass through them. They were so amazed. I told them that they just walked too slow. But they argued that I just walk too fast.

To make people happy, I do certain dance moves. There was even a dance move that they call "Do the Rhaych". Because there was a time that when I'm happy I do the crazy Rhaych step.

But that was all before. Now, I'm no longer like that. I'm freakingly weak that I cannot even do things on my own. Life can be a little unfair!

After last Monday's surgery on my back, I was hopeful that I can go back to normal. My normal life. My normal me. I thought that once I'm discharged from the hospital, I'm about 70-80% okay. But I was wrong. It frustrates me that I'm not even 50% okay.

Here I am lying back on my bed as I write my thoughts on this notebook with a pencil. I do have a laptop but I was told by my doctor through my PT that I can't sit for more than an hour. Most of the time I'm lying on this bed. What's worse, I can't even change my position on this bed without asking for someone's assistance. I need assistance to turn to my side. I need assistance in putting my legs on the pillow. I need assistance to stand up from the bed. I need assistance in taking a bath. Almost everything is either given to or done for me. Gosh I've never felt this small and needless to say useless! I'm used to getting things done on my own. I appreciate the support that they give me but I can't help but feel worthless and hopeless.

I cry myself to sleep thinking why this happened to me. I can't help but cry over what happened to me. My family tells me to keep on with my PT sessions and never lose hope. Won't you lose hope if you need someone to even flush the toilet for you? The doctors, my PT, my family and my friends say that I can go back to normal. When and how? For someone with low EQ like me, everyday is a struggle for me. The words of encouragement are overwhelming. Thank you!I know I should be taking one step at a time but deep within me I can't help but feel upset.

Just please continue praying for me. Thank you for your prayers and support.

I can't wait to do the "Rhaych" and my cartwheels.

The Leaflet that Was

2009-09-18T13:35:00.000-07:00

Last year we watched this indie film entitle "100" wherein the dying heroine asked her secretary to make photocopies of information about her illness and what caused it. She wanted to spare her mother from giving the same story to those who will come to her wake. I thought it was a very brilliant idea.

Recently, I was hospitalized and I found myself giving the same story as to what had happened to me to every set of visitor that came by. It's not that I'm complaining. It was just tiring andthe story would be longer as I counted the days that I stayed in the hospital. I told myself that I should have made a leaflet so that I could have discussed other topics with my visitors rather than talking about my debilitating illness. I would have preferred talking about other stuff since my visitors are friends whom I have not seen for a while.

Well now, I'm out of the hospital and those who don't know yet would still ask what exactly happened to me. I know I can't avoid these questions so let me give you a blow-by-blow account, so as to at least lessen the interrogation. In case anyone would ask me again, I'd be showing this entry, my leaflet.

1999
I was diagnosed as to having lumbar strain that's why I went through physical therapy at Philippine Orthopedic Hospital.

Jan 2005
I was getting ready to work when I sneezed and felt pain running down my lower back to my legs. It was as if my muscles have been twisted. I still managed to go to work but I couldn't go out of the car anymore to walk. The doctor said that my lumbar strain is back.

Mar 2008
My lower back was giving me pain again. My X-ray showed that my lumbar strain was getting worse. To deal with it, I went through physical therapy sessions and was given pain management meds.

Jun 2008
The pain was a lot worse. My doctor ordered that I get an MRI for my lower back. The MRI plate confirmed that I have slip disc at L4, L5, S1. I went through extensive physical therapy sessions. This time I had traction. My pain management meds were of high dosage.

Aug 19, 2009
I woke up because I needed to sneeze. It was one big forceful sneeze. After that, I felt the pain on my lower back and I was having a hard time standing up. I took one of my previously prescribed meds and I felt a little better.

Aug 20, 2009
I decide to visit my doctor, Dr. Vicky Morales, to have a consult. I had told her what had happened the day before and from which she had asked me what my pain scale was. I told her it was 7. I was having some difficulty walking as she was examining me. She asked if i wanted to be confined so that they can monitor my condition. I quickly said "No!" because I knew it would be a hassle to my family if I get hospitalized. We both agreed that I just go through extensive physical therapy sessions again. She then prescribed me with stronger pain management meds. I clearly remembered that she suggested that I go back to the hospital right away if the pain gets worse. After the check-up, I went through my PT session with PT Janice and I felt a lot better.

Aug 21, 2009
I woke up with a very painful back. I was trying not to take the meds, but to no avail. I wanted to go to the hospital but since it was a holiday, I knew that the PT rehab would be closed and my records are there. Soon, the meds took effect. But I was thinking if I depended on it too much.

Aug 22, 2009
I went to my scheduled PT session with PT Janice. I told her about the pain that I felt the day before. She advised me that if I felt that same pain again, I should go to the hospital for confinement so that I can be monitored. I promised her that I will never be confined.

Aug 23, 2009
Nanay and I were off to here Mass. After driving a few blocks away from our house, I suddenly felt severe pain from my lower back down to my left leg. It felt like it was twisted. It was like the worst leg cramp in the world. I was crying inside the car because I couldn't move. After a few minutes of struggling inside the car, I managed to drive back home but I was screaming with so much pain as I got out of the car. I was crying when I reached my bed. I couldn't lie flat on my back. It was really painful. My parents handed me my meds and had put hot compress on my lower back. But it was no use. Any movement I made on the bed caused so much pain. I had asked my parents to bring me to the hospital because the pain was really unbearable. In no time, my brother came and I was brought to the hospital's emergency room. I only stopped crying when they gave me a very strong pain reliever through my IV. Dr. Vicky came and said that I need to stay in the hospital for further observation. I had X-ray, blood test, etc. that afternoon.

Aug 24, 2009
Dr. Vicky came by early and had suggested that I take bedside PT sessions twice a day. I told her that my left leg felt a bit weak compared to my right leg, movement and sensory-wise. She assessed my condition. I told her I wanted to go home. She said she can only discharge me if I feel better. I had two bedside PT sessions that day with Janice.

Aug 25, 2009
I told Dr. Vicky that I was feeling better and I wanted to go home the next day. She said that they can't force me to stay but I have to make sure that I continue my PT sessions as outpatient and continue with my meds as well. I had 2 PT sessions again with PT Janice. That night I was all by myself in my hospital room when I suddenly felt numbness on my lower back to my upper left thigh. It was just for a few seconds and I managed to position myself on the bed. I didn't bother that much.

Aug 26, 2009
I was discharged that afternoon after going through the PT sessions with PT Janice. Dr. Vicky also advised me to wear a lumbar support all the time for a few weeks to make sure that my movement would be limited.

Aug 27, 2009
Grace accompanied me to the hospital for my PT session. But since I can't drive with my condition, Grace and I commuted. I was feeling the numbness from my lower back to my upper right thigh. Hence, I was having difficulty walking continuously. I had to stop every now and then to rest.

Aug 28, 2009
I was feeling much better and was preparing for my next PT session the following day.

Aug 29, 2009
I was feeling uneasy again when I woke up with some pain on my lower back. Unfortunately, I couldn't help but sneeze. Then I felt something like electricity running from my lower back to the tips of my toes. After that, it was painful to move my legs. I couldn't go to my PT session anymore. I took my meds but the relief wore off too fast. I was just lying still the whole day. Going to the CR was such a pain on my legs. That night I was crying again because of the pain that I was feeling. I tried hard to bear with it. I didn't want to go back to the hospital just yet. I think I only got a few hours of sleep that night because from time to time I would be awakened with the pain on my lower back down to my legs.

Aug 30, 2009
After carefully trying out different positions, I found the best position for me with lesser pain. It was sitting up right with my legs stretched out. I ate and slept in that position. However, when CR time came, it was such a challenge. I was trying to assess myself if I need to go to the hospital. For one, my brother was in Tarlac and no one would drive for us to the hospital. Two, I knew that I have a very serious condition and it would mean spending a lot of money on hospitalization and meds. I thought that if by the end of the day, I don't get better, I will go to the hospital the next day.

Aug 31, 2009
I woke up early due to the pain on my lower back. I was having difficulty straightening up. My position the earlier day was no longer good for me. I looked at myself in the mirror and my body was already bent towards the right beyond my control. I knew I needed to go to the hospital. Nanay started gathering the things that we'll be bringing with us to the hospital. We had big bags because with my condition, we felt it was no overnight stay. We were preparing for the worst. I managed to take a bath while Nanay got a cab that will bring us back to the hospital. Inside the ER, I was given a higher dosage of pain reliever through my IV. The attending physician contacted Dr. Vicky and she had ordered to stop all previously given meds since higher dosages of new meds would be administered to me. I felt a bit relieved with the new meds given to me but I noticed that I was peeing a lot. I was getting up from my bed with my IV to the CR almost every hour. Dr. Vicky came by in the afternoon to assess my condition. She had asked me to wiggle my toes and move my big toe up. I knew I was trying my best but they weren't moving. She said that she has referred me to another doctor who will check on me the next day. An MRI at Delos Santos Medical Center has been arranged for the next day. I would be transported there via the hospital's ambulance.

Sept 1, 2009
I transferred to another room and was assigned with a new PT, Mike. I was wheeled to the PT clinic for my session. During that PT session, I couldn't bear lying on my back straight on the bed. There was also burning sensation on my lower back to my toes. PT Mike decided that I do the same sitting position that I was comfortable with the other day.
Dr. Vicky came by to check on me and asked if I was open to the idea of surgery based on my situation. I was against it because I knew we won't be able to afford it.
By lunch, the other doctor, Dr. Eric Morales came and assessed me. He explained that with my current condition where there is weakness, they really suggest that the patient undergo surgery. I asked him about the procedure and the expenses. He told me that my lower back will be opened and the compression on my spine will be released. The surgery would cost about 200 thousand pesos. Upon hearing the cost, I told him that I'm not up for it. He said that since I'm scheduled for an MRI in the afternoon, it will help in their assessment if I really need to go through surgery or not.
After he left, Mike came for my PT session.

Then I prepared myself for the MRI at Delos Santos Medical Center. I was really excited because it was my first time to ride in an ambulance. My schedule there was at 4 PM but I was only brought down at 3:30 PM. I even told the ambulance driver that we might not make it on time. He assured me that we will. With us was my Nanay, Grace, Nurse Diane and a resident doctor. I couldn't lie down because of the pain so I opted to sit down on my bed. I was really excited for the ambulance adventure. I was even taking pictures of myself inside the ambulance. I even asked Nurse Diane when will the ambulance siren sound, she said in a while I can enjoy it. They were all excited for me. And then there was the siren. Woohoo! Then we were doing counterflow which made it more exciting for me. But just a few blocks away from the hospital, I started feeling dizzy and sick to my stomach. Then I barfed! Galing ko! I threw up a lot. I was vomiting like crazy on myself and in the ambulance. I was feeling weak. The resident doctor had asked Nanay and Grace to buy med to stop me from throwing up. I said I won't be able to go through the MRI. The attendee from Delos Santos said that if we reschedule, they will be charging an extra P800. So I went through with it. I was advised to lay still inside the MRI but since I'm uncomfortable in that position, I felt the painful burning sensation on my lower back to my legs again. I was shouting with so much pain inside the MRI, begging them to pull me out. That was the most painful 15 minutes of my life! When it was over, I was screaming with so much pain because I couldn't move anymore from waist down. Good thing Nurse Diane administered a very high dosage of Tramadol through my IV. I felt a bit relieved while still sobbing. After a few minutes, I threw up again. I still felt sick when I got back into the ambulance and back to MVMC. Nanay asked the resident doctor if the initial reading on my MRI was okay. The doctor said it'll be Dr. Vicky and Dr. Eric who will discuss it with us. When I reached my hospital room, I took a bath to remove all the vomit shit on me.

Sept 2, 2009
I had my PT session with Mike in the morning. By lunch time Dr. Vicky came by to discuss the initial reading since the plate is still at Delos Santos. She said that it indeed showed that my nerve has been compressed causing the pain on my lower back and numbness on my feet. She once again offered surgery. But I told her that I'm not amenable to it. I'd rather have PT sessions all my life. She said that Dr. Eric will discuss it with me further. In my afternoon PT session, I had discussed the findings and recommendation with PT Mike. He said that it's really my decision. He offered suggestions such as UP PGH or Phil Orthopedic just in case I want to proceed with the surgery with lower expenses. I tried enduring the traction despite the pain because I was conditioning myself that I can bear the pain without surgery.

Sept 3, 2009
I woke up at around 2:30 AM to adjust the A/C in my room. I was trying to reach for the A/C knob but I was having difficulty. My legs were too weak to pull up my body. I had to hold on to the bars on my bed for support. When PT Mike picked me up for my session, I was having difficulty putting on my slippers. It was as if my feet won't keep on. I didn't feel the slippers on my feet. When I stood up, I had to be assisted. My legs were very, very weak. When PT Mike asked me to flex and extend my feet, it wouldn't. After so many days of trying to stay strong, I started feeling scared. PT Mike called Dr. Vicky and reported what was happening. I knew we really needed to discuss my condition with the doctors. A meeting was set with the two doctors.

Sept 4, 2009
After my PT session with PT Mike, Dr. Eric discussed the result of the MRI with me and my Nanay. He said that I won't be needing any titanium rods on my spine which is a good thing because the surgery won't cause as much as 200 thousand pesos. He gave us a fair quotation and even helped us with the approval of the procedure ASAP from my health care provider. We had set the operation at 6:30AM on September 7, 2009. As soon as Dr. Eric left, the fund-raising for my operation began. I had my blood typing, bleeder's test and clotting test that afternoon. Two bags of blood had also been requested in case something goes wrong. Before the day was over, we knew we had the needed amount.

Sept 5, 2009
I was needing assistance going to and from the CR. I was already taking a bath sitting down. I endured the two PT session with Mike thinking that I am going to get better in two days. I even attended the anticipated Mass in the hospital with my IV on and I was in a wheelchair.

Sept 6, 2009
Dr. Vicky had pre-op talk. She had prepped me to what will happen. By lunch time, my friends and family had come to wish me well. It was like my last day on earth. There were so many people inside my room and there were so much food as well. My Nanay had asked them to leave at 9PM so that I can rest for the next day's operation.

Sept 7, 2009
I woke up at 3:30AM to go to the CR. Nanay had accompanied me. I started praying the rosary. I was a bit scared but I wanted to get it over and done with. I wanted to go back to normal. By 5AM, the nurse came by to do a skin test in case I would have allergic reaction on the antibiotic that they will give me after the operation. It was really itchy. I had to go through it twice because I couldn't tell the difference between the control and the variable. By 6AM, I was being asked to remove everything and just leave my gown on. I even washed my face and brushed my teeth. This is my battle, I have to be prepared! By 6:30AM, Dr. Eric was already inside my room assisting the nurses to bring me to the operating room. I felt eerie inside the operating room. There were so many lights. I wanted to pee but I couldn't do it in the bed pan. The nurse and I tried it twice but I couldn't. Soon Dr. Clotario, the anesthesiologist, was chatting up with me. I got to meet one of the 3 spine specialists in the Philippines and he was operating on me. And then I blocked out. I think I was already inside the recovery room when I heard people talking but I was too drugged to even bother that I slept. Aside from that I knew I had an oxygen device on me. I could here my heartbeat through the monitor. I even tried playing by controlling my breathing and listening how my heartbeat would sound. But I was very weak to continue with my game. Once in a while, someone would wake me up to check. I don't know why they do that. It's a violation of my blissful sleep! Then finally I woke up when they started removing the devices attached to me. I was being moved back to my room. My family was there but I was too wasted to talk. I felt hungry but I wasn't allowed to eat yet unless I fart. I didn't want to eat as well upon realizing that I have a catheter on and a hemovac on my back, draining the excess blood on my back. I just decided to sleep.

Sept 8, 2009
I initially asked for water when I woke up. I was starting to feel the pain on my wound. The catheter was uncomfortable but it prevents me from going to the CR. I washed my face on the bed. How? It's a talent. I had light bedside PT sessions with PT Mike that day. Dr. Vicky and Dr. Eric checked on me. They assured me that everything went well and I can go back to normal in no time. Yippee! But then I felt a bit grouchy that day because my wound was really painful and the hemovac and catheter were really uncomfortable. I was having hot flashes and the A/C seemed to be not working but it was. Any movement on my bed irritates me because it adds to my painful wound. I was very irritable with the nurses. What's worse I was having a fever!

Sept 9, 2009
I woke up alone in my room. I couldn't move much because of the things attached to me. I couldn't reach the buzzer for the nurse's station. I remember I started crying because I felt so weak. When Grace arrived, I had asked her to have the nurses call Dr. Eric to remove my catheter and hemovac. I was uncomfortable doing my PT sessions with PT Mike. The nurse didn't know what to do but I said that my bladder is full and I want the catheter removed. She replaced the catheter with a diaper since I couldn't go to the CR with the hemovac. When the diaper was on, I couldn't pee. Shit! Soon Dr. Eric was in my room and was removing the hemovac and dressing my wound. I told him I wanted to really take bath. So he replaced the dressing with a waterproof sheet. Dr. Eric had advised my Nanay that I can be discharged the next day. Whoa! When he left, PT Mike continued with my sessions. This time I had to do my sessions sitting down and standing up. It was really hard! But I was excited that I'm better than the last few days. He even had me practice my walking. He just advised me not to lose the spirit that I can do it and go back to normal. Dr. Vicky came by that afternoon and had checked my PT progress. She was very happy. I was too. I wanted to take a bath. Unfortunately that same night, I was having fever again.

Sept 10, 2009
I was wheeled to the PT clinic by PT Mike for my session. My slippers still wouldn't stay on. PT Mike had secured them with Micropore tape on my feet. It felt hard to start standing and walking again. By 3PM I was discharged from the hospital and was brought to my Ninong's house for complete recovery.

This doesn't look like a leaflet. More like a brochure or a journal. Whatever! I hope I won't be recounting the experience again because it brings back very difficult moments in my life.

The Little Girl's Sad Story

2009-08-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

It's a typical story of girl meets boy. A story that had span for more than two decades. Or was there even really a story?

She was five years old. He was five years old. The little girl was the family's baby. She enjoyed every attention she got from everyone. On the other hand, the boy was very shy who never said a word unless spoken to. They were never friends since it was typical of girls hating boys and boys hating girls at that time. The boy was one of the brightest students in class. The girl was also an honor student but she always got into trouble because of her naughtiness. At that time, the little girl knew that there was more to the little boy behind those thick eyeglasses. She knew she felt different towards the little boy. But what can she do? She was only five years old. In four years that they were clasmates, she did not have any interaction with the little boy. All she knew then was that this boy is her first crush in school. Her first love.

Unfortunately, the little girl had to move away with her family and left the boy she liked. She went about doing her own stuff. She had a new environment, new friends and new life. She forgot about the little boy.

Growing up, the girl had her fair share of triumphs and disappointments. She fell in love several times only to get her heart broken. But she's a survivor. She had turned her failures into lessons which had helped her to become a better person. She was contented with her life. She always had her family and friends behind her back. She thought she would not be needing someone special in her life. Or so she thought.

With the advent of technology, the girl thought of searching her old classmates on the internet. She remembered mostly the names of her girl classmates. But one name that she could not forget was the boy's. She found him and added him right away. She even sent him a message of hello and the boy responded that he remembers her as the smartest little girl in class with pigtails. There were a few exchange of messages but soon the girl felt weird for some unknown reason. So she just decided not to continue with it. After all, she just wanted to find him and she knew he still exists.

She carried on with her life thinking that she's happy wherever she is. She told herself that she'll never let any man hurt her again and that meaning never getting into a relationship ever again.

On her 30th birthday, the girl went online to check her messages on her old social networking site. She was surprised that the boy updated his profile. Apart from that the boy was wearing a pink shirt on his profile photo! Waaaah! The girl took a closer look at his photo and memories of her childhood came rushing one by one. He almost looked exactly the same. It took her days to decide if she'll send him a message. With her fingers crossed, she messaged him. A few days later, the boy had replied to her and soon there were a few friendly messages exchanged between the two of them.

But something inside was bothering the girl. A big part of her wanted to know more about the boy. She didn't know why but she knew she had to do something about it for her own peace of mind. Hence, the quest to know about the boy began.

She started looking for old friends who knew the boy from way back. She asked them questions that would appease her curiosity. She would get promising answers but sometimes disappointing ones as well. But she wanted to find out for herself. Months later, with the help of two trusted friends, the meeting was set. She had told herself not to get her hopes up too high because it's going to be the first meeting (probably the last).

From a far, she already knew it was him approaching. This was her classmate who never said a word to her when they were kids. But now, he was more outspoken and confident. One thing that she distinctly noticed was he's still very smart. As they talked, she realized how different their lifestyles are. He was not the guy that she'd usually fall for and there was no future at all since the boy had actually mentioned that he cannot be in a relationship at this stage in his life. Okay! The girl came home a bit disappointed but she told herself that there should have been no expectations in the first place. After all, the goal was just to see and meet him. But still, she liked what she saw. Unfortunately, the quest should end right there.

A few hours after the meeting, she was shocked to get a message fom the boy asking her to go out for lunch. She was smiling like there was no tomorrow. She couldn't go out at that time but had expressed that she'll welcome the next invitation. She was feeling weird but it was a happy weird feeling. The messages that she received from the boy made her extremely happy but it only lasted for a few days. Slowly, the boy disappeared just like that.

The girl felt stupid for falling that soon. He already said that he cannot be in a relationship. The girl is crushed with what had happened. Maybe, the boy was just being friendly. Maybe, he had mastered the skills of making a woman fall for him. Too bad for the girl for assuming and falling - really hard.

The girl knew better but she had let herself get hurt again. This boy was indeed her first love. The feelings had been deep-seated all these years. She never really forgot him. Will she ever get her happy ending?

The girl is left sobbing....

To The Usual Suspects

2009-08-18T03:42:00.000-07:00

I'm no Miss Congeniality.

But when I find a friend, I really treasure that person. I only have a few, trusted friends and I can stand by them no matter what happens. I make a conscious effort to protect friendships that I've built. And when other people try to put us down, I stick up and stick with my friends.

I have this group of friends whom I love so much. They're like my extended family since we're practically together every day. Each of us has a different personality but when we're together, there seems to be a powerful force that binds us. With just one look or gesture, we already get what one means. Sometimes words are no longer needed. We knew we'll be there for each other no matter what. We can talk about the shallowest and the deepest topics.

Our favorite topic is of course about Philippine showbiz. We'd usually pick on Jonalyn Viray, Marian Rivera and more often than not, the Kapuso channel overall. That becomes our breather from our workload. Then we'd pick on each other but we'd lead to ganging up on our youngest friend. We'd play when we're bored like the others. We support each other especially when it comes to our work, our health and our families. These are the people that I am proud to be associated with because no matter what people say about our group or each one of us, we don't get affected. We knew and we know better.

Recently, my friends and I got involved in a crisis that shook our worlds. Unfortunately, it's still affecting us to this very day. But what's making us get through this each and everyday is the fact that we're not bailing out on one another. Our support for each other is just amazing that we are learning to cope better in this situation. We are getting to know each other better and realizing that beyond all the jokes and laughter, we are true friends of each other and we are good individuals.

At this point, I am admitting that it's a lost cause. I/we may have lost what we had but nothing compares to the friendship and heartfelt support that we have for each other. What we lost is nothing compared to what we had gained. Let's face it, our friendship cannot feed our families, pay our rent or buy that "to die for shoes". But those are just material things, it can't last forever. Our friendship has been tested. However, I believe bonded us more and making us better friends. We may not be together always nowadays but deep in our hearts the love will always be there. In God's perfect time, we'll be okay and we'd talk about it and just laugh it off like we always do. Whatever happens, you will be always my dear Noel, my dear Ava, my dear Nina, my dear Poi and my dear Frank.

Noel, I was scared of you at first. You were always the fighter in our group. I admire that in you. You are always able to speak your mind. You always tell me to fight for what I believe is right. You were constantly supporting me career-wise. Your talent is really a gift. I hope you put that into use. I will surely miss your kabitchesahan and the times that you welcomed me in your home. Thank you Noel for being my strength each time I feel like giving up.

Ava, you have to admit na mami-miss mo ako and the topics that we talk about like ghosts, UP, our mothers, our brothers, our relatives, our fiends, your love life (coz I have none), our favorite food, Jonalyn Viray, Marian Rivera, John Lloyd Cruz, Nina (not Bangit), ASAP, SOP, The Buzz, etc. I think we had the most daldalan sessions since we've been seatmates like forever. Sorry if you felt violated with my misuse of vulgar words. You know how naive I am. Piece of advice, I know you were really confused when we talked about some people on our way to Tagaytay. You know yourself better. I admire your intelligence and your love for your family especially kay Mommy. Thank you Ava for always listening to me.

Nina, I admire your convictions on and about life. You are such a great artist and I'm glad that we're batchmates. Your kajologan is such a surprise considering that you are a quiet person (or so we think). I will miss your surprising hirits, how your eyes would lighten up when we talk about Gabbie and the movies that you think of for our charades game. Thank you Nina for being a good friend.

Poi, you are one of the sweetest persons that I've ever met. Like Nina, I am happy that we are batch mates. Your happiness is contagious and makes everyone lighten up when you're around. Your childlike attitude is endearing and your bobo hirits and moments are truly tatak-Poi. Nag-iisa ka lang! I admire your love for your family and for Ralph. Okay, I agree with you na he's truly lucky to have you. I admire that you always try to see the good side of the situation or the person. Poi, thank you for being you. You are a very good person and I'm glad that you are my friend from day one to the day I die.

Frank, you know that I love you. If I don't pick on you that means I don't care at all. You are our bunso and thank you for living up to its meaning. Thank you for making us laugh. We've had some misunderstandings but I'm happy you are able to forgive me. I will surely miss your kakulitan, your dance steps, your out-of-this-world ideas and your support. Thank you for your pieces of advice. Thank you for the purity of your heart (heart lang). Sorry humirit pa.

We will rise above this situation and the tears will eventually stop from falling. Like we said, there's a reason for this and we are off to better opportunities. I love you all so much and once again thank you for being my true friends.

Thank You Tita Cory....

2009-08-01T20:37:00.000-07:00

for restoring democracy in this country.

for being a mother to this nation.

for your good governance.

Everybody Hurts by The Corrs

2009-07-29T03:32:00.000-07:00

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go
Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your day is night alone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts

Don't throw your hand
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
When you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life
To hang on

Well, everybody hurts
Sometimes, everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

And everybody hurts
Sometimes

So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Everybody hurts
You are not alone)

Dance Class

2009-07-09T12:28:00.000-07:00

I have enrolled in a gym. Aside from the fact that I wanted to lose weight, I wanted to take dance classes. I have not danced for a while and I've missed it. I'm glad that the gym is offering dance claases. Dancing is like breathing for me. Naks yabang! But my teacher today asked if I had taken formal dance lessons. Of course I said no. In-born. Kidding! People who know me would say I'm naturally malikot. I only enrolled for a month and the dance classes are four times a week. Career-in!

The King of Pop is Dead

2009-06-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

Another music icon died and he's no ordinary icon. He's the King of Pop Michael Jackson. The reason of his death is yet to be established. Investigations will take place. As for now, the whole world mourns his untimely demise.

I grew up listening to Michael Jackson's music. My brother was a huge fan and he had tapes of his albums. I began to like his songs as wells especially the ones that I can dance to. His moves are truly incredible. Who could forget "The Moonwalk"?! He danced like he was giving his soul. Through the years, I have shared this fondness with my bestfriend Lei and we seemed to know all his songs. I am not a very huge fan. I don't cry or will cry in his presence like the other fans that even faint at the sight of him. In fact I don't own any of his albums. It's just that Lei and I know that when we hear his song on the radio we won't be turning it off or change it to another station. We'd just listen. Sometimes sing along or if there's a space dance a bit. And every Friday, we make a conscious effort to listen to Magic Madness because we're sure we'd hear his songs.

There had been many controversies that had hounded him, even his appearance has been a constant topic. I am not affected by those. I don't like what he did in the,whether they are true or not. I just know he's a music genius and he's a big loss.

25 Random Things Part Two

2009-06-15T04:53:00.000-07:00

My friend said that 25 random things about me were not enough. She said I needed to add 25 more. Since I've got nothing to do today, here's another set:

I enjoy watching cooking shows, especially the baking part.
I don't talk much in the morning when I wake up.
I used to have a small aquarium and I named the fishes: Rico, Dominic, Marvin and Vanness. The first one that died was Marvin, followed by Vanness, then Dominic and last was Rico. How did I know that order of death even though they all looked alike? I just know that Rico would (should) be the last to go.
I was an Atenean for one sem. I took a graduate course and enrolled in a three-unit subject. Then tinamad na ko because my class was every Friday night and I thought I should be having fun with my friends instead.
I don't like pink but my room color is pink.
I'm currently addicted to the computer game "Bejeweled Deluxe". As in walang tulugan.
I hope one day I can dance on stage with Gary V.
I comb/brush my hair once a day. That's after taking a bath.
I'm a certified Kapamilya.
My brother used to call me Petra because he said I looked like our father whose name is Peter.
I have a very quick bowel movement. Just a few minutes after I eat, I need to hit the CR.
I think I have a small urinary bladder. There are times that I pee like there's no tomorrow.
I have a talent for doing the grocery. I seem to be able to estimate the total of whatever is in the grocery cart even before we get to the cashier.
My favorite dessert is blueberry cheesecake.
I like spending time with my nephews and nieces.
My cellphone is 3 years old. My officemates have been telling me to throw it away.
The first part that I read in the newspaper is the Youngblood section of the Philippine Inquirer. After that, I'm not so interested.
Every Friday, my radio is tuned in to 89.9 Magic Madness.
Sometimes I can't help but sway or groove a bit when I hear a dance tune that I like.
I had my first beer at 18 years old.
I have insomnia but when I get the chance to sleep, the numebr of hours missed are well compensated.
I think I have a talent in cleaning cars. When I'm in the mood, Teepee gets very good bathing from me.
I used to do wallclimbing.
My favorite time of the year is Christmas. Though it's an expensive occasion because I have a lot of nephews and nieces, nothing beats the joy of spending time with the family.
My bestfriend Lei and I have a huge crush on Will Smith.

The Sex Video Scandal

2009-05-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

I was sent a link regarding a sex video of Katrina Halili and Hayden Kho. I saw the video and it was nothing THAT vulgar that's why I was bothered when Katrina said she was violated. The video that I saw was the one where she was rehearsing "Careless Whisper" with Hayden Kho. I thought to myself, how can she say she was violated when the video shows that she knew she was being videotaped and they were almost on each other and the fact that the guy that she was with is another person's boyfriend? How can she say foul?

Then another link was sent to me. Now I know what she meant. She didn't know she was being filmed by this Hayden Kho while they were having sex. In the first place why would Hayden Kho videotape such intimate moments? Doctor ka pa naman! Where is your sense of integrity?! How can you cure your patients when in fact you yourself are SICK and need help?!

I somehow feel for Katrina. In the first place, she would not be videotaped had she not been with this guy whom she knew had a girlfriend. Is this a case of karma? Well, I support your cause for putting Hayden Kho behind bars, revoking his med license and paying for moral damages. At this point, a lot of people have been involved and are trying to get involved in this scandal and media frenzy. Let's just hope they stick to the issue.

Hayden Kho is such a pig. Hayden Kho is a maniac!

My Favorite Couple

2009-05-17T07:37:00.000-07:00

They are my favorite couple in the world. My cousin Sheila and her hubby Ricky celebrated their 16th wedding anniversary last night with a party with family and friends. It was a blast especially seeing them dance the moves and sing the tunes of their times. Ambaduy! But I cannot help but join them in the merrymaking. Soon I was dancing and singing with them tiI the morning. I am so happy for the two of them for lasting this long.

My Ate Sheila is my pretty and fashionista cousin. She seemed to always wear the nicest clothes, shoes and accessories. Though she's quite small, she can carry herself big by being presentable (except when she's home wearing her old ruggy pambahays). Aside from that, I admire her spirit because she's almost almost bubbly especially when she's hanging out with her daughter Geli. She's a cool mom to Geli. She enjoys her time with Geli except that she can be a bit techie-challenged to which she admits whole-heartedly. No matter how busy she is at work, she's a wife and mom first. I like her when she's very supportive of everything that I do, that she even tried wall-climbing with me. My conversations with her are very meaningful because I learn from what she shares with me, be it about fashion, work or life itself. I know how much she loves Kuya Ricky by just holding his hand or just snuggling him. Ang cute! No need for words, it's shown in her actions.

My Kuya Ricky, her husband, is one of the coolest people I've ever met. We were introduced when I was 9 years old. I modelled for Ate Sheila's thesis. Back then, he had already shown his support to Ate Sheila. I was not that close to him until they realized I was no longer a kid and I could already understand their conversations and jokes. What bonded us together is our love for food. We'd talk about places (like restos, bars) where there is good food while eating. I like him most when he's drunk, okay tipsy, because he can do the weirdest things and not remember it when he's sober. And when he's drunk, okay tipsy, he would always converse in English. I like his happy disposition. I've never seen him angry. He always took things in stride. He was the only man I saw who braided his daughter's hair. He's the sweetest husband, be it in words and actions. He would always make time for Ate Sheila and Geli. I hope I find someone like my Kuya Ricky.

I was a bit sad for missing David Cook and David Archuleta's concert last night. But celebrating the night with my two favorite people made me realize that true love in this world can last as long as you both work on it.

Here's to many more years of togetherness Kuya Ricky and Ate Sheila! God bless you both!

ABCs of Me

2009-05-10T19:32:00.000-07:00

Another tag message from fb which I'd rather answer here. I have no plans of tagging anyone as well.

A - Age: 30

B - Bed size: I dont know pro it's single.

C - Chore you hate: Doing the laundry. I can't seem to remove all the soap and bubbles.

D - Dog's name: I have none.

E - Essential to start your day: Prayers and some stretching

F - Favorite color(s): Blue and white

G - Gold or Silver: Gold

H - Height: 5'3"

I - Instruments you play(ed): A little of the piano!

J - Job title: "What's in it for me?" kind of thing

K - Kid(s): None just cute nephews and nieces

L - Living arrangements: With the parents

M - Mom's name: Florida

N - Nicknames: Rhaych, RC, Morts

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: April 2002, chest congestion

P - Pet Peeve: People who always look at the imperfection of others rather than themselves.

Q - Quote from a movie: "I never really believed in forever but I think I found forever in you."

R - right or left-handed: Right

S - Siblings: 2

T - Time you wake up: 7:45 pm

U- Underwear: comfy ones.

V - Vegetable you dislike: saluyot

W - Ways you run late: updating my blog and checking my e-mails.

X - X-rays you've had: Chest, lower back, left and right arms.

Y - Yummy food you make: spaghetti (you like?)

Z - Zoo favorite: fishes

Judy Ann - Ryan wedding

2009-04-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

The first thing that my Nanay told me when I got home last Tuesday was "Kinasal na si Judy Ann!". Of course, I did not believe her right away. After all, it was only 8:30 in the morning and who would get married early, too early make it on the early morning news? Besides, there had been many speculations on their altar date. So how can my Nanay say that? I even said, "Bat alam mo eh hindi ka naman invited?". When I turned on the tv in my room, the news was indeed true. There were no footages yet but there were phone patch interviews with the very exclusive guests. Even the guests themselves were surprised that the wedding was happening that morning. They were only informed a fews days ago. Amazing!

I salute the people who were involved in the planning of this intimate wedding. It wasn't a circus after all considering Judy Ann is a well-known actress. According to the news, it was simple but elegant. Not much fuss which is very good.

And OMG Judy Ann is married! I can't help but feel envious. She's turning 31 in a few days and she's now married to the love of her life Ryan Agoncillo. As showbiz expectators, we can't help but watch how their relationship blossomed. I remember chatting with my friend Ellen regarding Judy Ann's transformation since she got involved with Ryan. She lost so much weight and now she looks gorgeous. Ellen and I even gushed at the thought of having our own Ryan Agoncillos in the future. Someone who will be good for us. Someone who will change us for the better. I guess we just have to keep on waiting.

As for now, I'm happy for Judy Ann and Ryan though I'm not even a friend nor family.

Tatlong Dekada ng Pasasalamat

2009-04-20T00:05:00.000-07:00

I am 3 decades old today. So what? So what if my officemates tease me that I'm old? So what if I'm no loger part of the youth sector? So what if I'm almost out of the monthly calendar dates?

I can proudly say that I have lived a fruitful 30 years shuns the failures along the way. But still I'm up and continuing to live each day of my life and this is because of the people who helped me manage and survive the 30 years of my existence.

Let me thank them in no particular order and if in case you're not in this list, I'm so sorry. 30 years old na eh, yung ibang brain cells nag-degenerate na.

Nanay & Tatay
-for making me. Nanay for endlessly hearing my sentiments and understanding my moods. Tatay for being unreasonable thus making me realize that I'm a strong person.

Kuya Rei
-for the endless fights we had growing up til recently we grew tired of it. Thank you for always being there for me.

Kuya Roy
-for your sense of humor at sa walang sawang pagalit kahit wala na sa lugar.

Hiyas
-for understanding me at the start of your relationship with Kuya Rei and accepting me as your sister.

Cholo
-sa mga malalim at mababaw na conversations na nae-enjoy ko with you.

Luisa
-sa pagiging madaldal and for doing so well in school. I'm proud of you Ate!

Eriel
-for making me laugh with your newly-learned tricks and skills.

My Cousins
-for the undying support and pang-aalaska sa inyong youngest cousin, sa mga patawa, kalokohan at kainan.

Ninong
-for the rewards that you gave me when I did well in school and for helping my parents for my tuition fee.

Auntie Nida
-for hearing my stories, for all the support and padalas and for being my first lakwatsa buddy.

Auntie Liza
-for being a second mom to me.

All My Pamangkins
-for all the hugs, kisses, fun and games.

Rowlyn
-for exceeding the definition of being a best friend, for the endless laugh trips and chikahans, for hearing me out all the time, for all the fun, laughter and tears.

Atty
-for the undying support in everything that I do.

Janice
-for being my childhood kaaway to being one of my treasured friends, for being brutally frank in times when I'm uber tanga.

Ellen
-for the love, support and accompanying me to gimmicks and shopping, for letting me do my projects at your place back in college and for always welcoming me in your home.

Jen
-for being my college roommate at UPLB and for watching over me.

Bliss
-for all the patawa and lambings.

Gladys
-for always hearing me out and supporting me.

Kathoy

-for all the fun, laughter and crazy adventures, sa pagiging makapal ang mukha and for being my booster when I'm down.

Sally
-for always extending your support.

Charles
-for the love, support and finally friendship.

Anna
-for all the laugh trips and endless kwentuhan whenever we're together.

Jen-Jen
-for being my partner back in crime in college.

Rechelle
-for all the letters that we've exchanged with each other.

Mariz
-for all your prayers and support.

Monday
-for you talent and kalokohans.

Melvin

-for your friendship.

Aileen Chichioco
-for the friendship and having faith in me.

Mrs. Zeny Toco
-for giving me the chance to show my potential.

Mrs. Teresita Santos
-for believing in my talent.

Ate Darene
-for the endless kwentuhans from service to school and vice versa.

Joedhel
-for the isaw and toma nights.

Paolo
-for loving me the best way you can.

Ate Mic
-for always treating me like a sister and for trusting me.

Ms. Olive Santos and Mrs. Talens
-for believing in my mathematical abilities .

Ms. Rose Torres
-for the friendship and believing in my potential.

Ms. Judith Muncal
-for the patience and the friendship.

Ate Lalaine
-for believing in me and tapping my leadership potential.

Ogie

-for the support, friendship and badminton games.

Tanya, Blythe, Portia, Gladys, Karen, Mitch, Mira, Chard. Jetro, Gary, Jenny, Dada and Gretch
-for a year of being each other's support system during the PMS application.

Tin, Lala, Ming, Claire, Noy, Rose, Paolo, Roj, Tads, Richie, Calub, Yoggs, Jack, Rona, Jay and Jorge
-for making my PMS days so much fun.

Frances Cendana
-for the chance and tapping my potential to be a good teacher.

Dra. Rosalinda Yangco
-for believing that I can be a good teacher.

Ms. Patino
-for all your support and patience.

Suzie Fajardo
-for the friendship, understanding and kwentuhans.

Armie, Be-Anne, Joy, Ruth, Mavic and Jux
-for all the crazy meteor garden addiction that led to the super fun friendship.

Mrs. Magtrayo
-for all the hugs, advice and support.

Ate Lani
-for the unwavering support.

Sr. Teresita Agana
-for all the prayers and support.

Sr. Aileen Bonifacio
-for the paryers and understanding all my kalokohans.

Cerry Ann & Maja
-for being my first two best friends.

Tin
-for being a very supportive and understanding boss.

Ate Sundee
-for all the loving advice.

Vhal
-for being my partner in crime.

Frank
-for teaching me self-respect.

Joyce
-for the endless patawa and chikahan.

Carol
-for your friendship and understanding.

My SPCP students
-for the wonderful and painful experiences, for all the love and support.

At dahil lagi nameng pinag-uusapan ng sister-in-law ko ang mga celebration sa ASAP and how it would be like when we say thank you on air, gusto ko na rin (mag-try) magpasalamat kay Sir Gabby, Ma'am Charo, Sir Deo, Tita Cory, Tita Mariol and Mr. M.

The One Where They All Turn Thirty

2009-04-05T21:39:00.000-07:00

I chanced upon a website with famous people born on particular years. Curious that I was, I tried checking out people who were born on the same year that I popped out in this planet. (Ahahaha! popped out parang tiniris lang na pimple.) I found the list interesting. But it got me thinking as well. Why wasn't I on list? What if I was there with them as a famous person? Did I not do enough the last 29 years? Maybe they just forgot me. Then I thought I was being silly again. A friend asked me if I feel accomplished in my life. I told her that I don't feel accomplished. I added that feeling accomplished means I'm finished. I'm not yet done.

Back in college, I handed a friend a list of things that I hoped to accomplish before turning 30. Well I guess most of which are still unattained, still working on or should just remain on the list. I still have a long way to go. Di pa naman ako mamatay siguro very soon.

Every day is a learning process for me and I know have yet to learn more about life. Some people my age are famous, wealthy, stable and all that. I'm far from being like that but I do know I got my place under the sun (and mainit ha!). I know I have a purpose that's why I continue to wake up and live my life.

Anyway let me share the list of famous people born in 1979 (www.whosdatedwho.com/celebrities/people/list/celebrity-categories.asp?FD=yob&ID=1979):

Aaliyah
Adam Levine
Andrew Keegan
Ara Mina
Brandy Norwood
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Chris Daughtry
Chris Klein
Claire Danes
Claudine Barretto
Daniel Beddingfield
Daniel Henney
Flo Rida
Gong Yoo
Ha Won
Heath Ledger
Jay Chou
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jericho Rosales
Jesse Bradford
Kate Hudson
Ken Zhu
Kourtney Kardashian
Lance Bass
Mark Anthony Fernandez
Marvin Agustin
Mena Suvari
Ne-yo
Norah Jones
Pete Wentz
Petra Nemcova
Pink
Rachael Leigh Cook
Rosario Dawson
Ryan Agoncillo
Tatyana Ali
Zhang Ziyi
tsaka ako na rin Rachel Catherine Mortel (hehehe!)

Things I Did When I Was In UP

2009-03-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

[ ] Worried about getting bullied by fratmen or getting killed in a riot.

[ ] Got bullied by fratmen or was killed in a riot.

[ ] Witnessed a riot.

[ ] Watched the Oblation Run.

[x] Made friends with a teacher.

[ ] Was tricked as a freshman into attending a rally / prayer meeting.

[x] Wore red or black on one of those wear red or wear black days. Intentional and by accident. (I did this during Erap's resignation campaign.)

[ ] Wore red on Valentine’s Day.

[ ] Wore black on Valentine's Day. (Di naman ako ganun kalala.)

[ ] Celebrated a birthday at Mang Jimmy's.

[ ] Learned UP Naming Mahal. (Just followed the beat as the right arm with clenched fist was raised.)

[ ] Was an RA (registration assistant) or SA. (Do I look like I have an attitude problems? Di ako naging Diyos during registration.)

[x] Lied or begged to an RA for a slot in class. (Sabi ngang mga Diyos sila e.)

[x] Participated in a there's-only-one-more-slot-are you-feeling-lucky? (Oh yeah had to be wise when everyone crammed for the last slot. When the RA shouted "Nasan na ba talaga yung pila?", i raised my had hand shouted "Dito oh!". And everyone followed. I got the slot slot cause I was first in line during the commotion. Sorry na lang sa mga pumila ng 3 oras. Mine was a good 15 minutes of struggle.)

[x] Jogged around the campus. (In preparation for the org exam.)

[ ] Visited the Vargas Museum.

[ ] Knew at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name. (Walang ganung level. Tanguan lang oks na.)

[ ] Attended university level graduation.

[x] Got an activist for a teacher. (My PI 100 teacher.)

[x] Watched a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game. (Walang choice nasa pwesto kame ng La salle nun eh kase puno na Araneta.)

[x] Watched a UP vs. any school basketball game. (And boy they lost as always!)

[ ] Studied in CASAA. (Would browsing at photocopied notes of a classmate count?)

[ ] Studied in McDonald's or Jollibee Philcoa for one full night and bought just one regular-sized drink.

[x] Studied along Katipunan. (McDo)

[ ] Studied along Katipunan and affected the mannerisms of a stereotypical Atenean.

[ ] Watched a play that's not required for Comm III.

[ ] Went stargazing.

[x] Ate in Chocolate Kiss, Tea Room (in CHE) or Chateau Verde.

[x] Slept in the lib. (Sa Archives section pinagdikit-dikit ko pa yung chairs para lang makahiga ako.)

[ ] Struck up a conversation with a taong grasa.

[ ] Wrote to/for the Collegian.

[ ] Seriously pondered about the identity/ies of the people described in Eksenang Peyups.

[x] Went to the chapel.

[ ] Got a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers while walking in Sunken Garden

[ ] Cut class with your block to watch a movie.

[ ] Had a Voltes V for a teacher

[ ] Took a class under Joseph Palis.

[x] Lied to the transcript lady to get a transcript earlier than the standard 3 months. (With may uber pamatay na line "Makakaya po ba ng konsensya nyo na di ako makapag-board exams dahil ito na lang kulang?" I'm just so good with acting!)

[x] Went to a Freshman-only concert. (First ever was an Eraserheads concert.)

[x] Subsisted on just streetfood (fishballs, half footlongs, kwekwek, squidballs/rolls, mais, dirty ice cream) for a day. (Mahirap na ang buhay noon pa man!!)

[ ] Learned how to smoke.

[x] Went on an out-of-town trip with blockmates or orgmates. ('Twas an org finals activity.)

[ ] Fell in love. (Kanino? Sino? Pano?)

[ ] Actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib.

[ ] Played cards during your free time.

[ ] Dressed in business attire.

[ ] Sumabit sa jeep.

[ ] Got sung to or sung to someone in class during Valentine's day.

[ ] Watched the Lantern Parade.

[x] Helped out a total stranger.

[ ] Helped out a total stranger because he/she was hot.

[x] Learned to stay awake for more than 24 or 48 hours straight.

[ ] Got bullied by fratmen and feeling cool wannabe people who were actually losers.

[ ] Took Wednesday and/or Sat classes WILLINGLY. (I had no choice.)

[ ] Volunteered for the pahinungod.

[x] Ate "tasteless white sauce" pasta from cock-a-noodle-doo.

[ ] Got a boyfriend/girlfriend.

[x] Took time to read the vandalism in the CR.

[ ] Watched a sexy art film for any GE class.

[x] Got held up or pickpocketed. (My bag was slashed and they got my kikay kit with eggnog, detangler & a perfume sampler.)

[x] Felt depressed because you were not as good academically as you were in high school. (Aminin naten nakakabobo ang college! It's not for everyone I guess. Ahahaha!)

[x] Did a last minute paper.

[x] Had spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures.

[x] Got exempted from final exams. Well ganun talaga!

[ ] Got exempted from a final exam but still took it. Di na sayang blue book.

[x] Attended a varsity pep rally.

[ ] Watched LIVE AIDS, Androgyny, Maskipaps or any well-known variety show.

[ ] Promised to quit smoking.

[ ] Got into at least one (org- or council-sponsored) adventure race. and WON!

[x] Knew where the best restrooms are on campus.

[x] Joined an org.

[x] Allowed yourself to make mistakes.

[ ] Went to the gym in spite of having no PE class just to ogle varsity players/cute boys/hot girls.

[x] Took summer classes.

[ ] Admired the Oblation. (Wala kong time eh. Sarap matulog.)

[x] Made a video for a project.

[x] Had a crush on a teacher. (Chem 17 lec teacher Sir Joey Santos.)

[ ] Had a teacher who had a crush on/tried to court you.

[ ] Attended your ROTC Bivouac. -

[ ] Faked sickness to get an absence excused. (I can be late but I was never absent from any class.)

[ ] Got your car scratched by one of those "Kuya bantayan ko kotse niyo" kids

[ ] Took a PE class where you had to pay for tuition

[x] Went to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes.

[ ] Learned how to use the Bayantel pay phones.

[x] Participated in school activities.

[ ] Caught the UP Pep Tryouts.

[ ] Dated someone from UP.

[x] Rode an IKOT and TOKI.

[x] Found a tambayan.

[ ] Went drinking at Sarah's.

[x] Learned how to beg for a higher grade. - *ulk* to pass

[ ] Used your 6 allowable absences wisely. (Merong ganto? dang! Bat di ko alam?)

[x] Lived in a dorm. (Yup for one year in UPLB)

[x] Volunteered to be beadle or go-to guy for your group / class.

[x] Had the worst schedule.

[ ] Realized that there really is just one coconut tree on the sunken garden. (and now it’s gone)

[ ] Did not use up all 6 allowable absences. (Ni hindi ko nga alm to eh! )

[x] Ate in ISSI, Treehouse, Mama Thai's and other more obscure cafeterias.

[x] Ate food Aristocart-style.

[x] Is active in your org. (Pwede bang was active for about 3 years?)

[x] Attended an ACLE. (Yeah ACLE with the then Spice Boys of Congress. Love you Migs Zubiri!)

[ ] Got as many app forms as you can during the job fair.

[x] Learned how to cram. (Had to! Now I'm a certified expert.)

[x] Sold tickets for an org-sponsored movie premiere.

[x] Saved money to photocopy all of your seatmate's notes.

[x] Had accidentally seen a make-out session. (7 am AS walk benches. Bangis!)

[x] Slept in class. (Dapat dito classes as in marameng class.)

[x] Finished a homework/assignment/paper in the Shopping center or Philcoa.

[x] Had mountains of "unused" sample exams and/or old testaments.

[x] Resolved to be "better this semester."

[ ] Slept during a test.

[x] Had groupmates from hell.

[x] Learned how to work with groupmates from hell.

[ ] Perfected the art of parking on campus.

[ ] Had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus.

[x] Developed a love for sisig

[x] Practiced those UP cheers in the first meeting for PE class.

[x] Looked at microfilms in the library or poked through archives.

[x] Reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function.

[x] Attended the UP Fair. Just once

[x] Went to a library other than your own college's to research.

[ ] Lost a perfectly functioning umbrella.

[ ] Used consultation hours properly. (Lalo na sa Bio 160)

[ ] Went to the Guidance Office for real, heart-to-heart guidance.

[x] Went to the infirmary.

[ ] Attended class with a hangover.

[ ] Drink beer or alcohol while inside UP grounds.

[x] Walked all the way to Philcoa or Katipunan from UP.

[ ] Buy frogs from NSRI or a Bio department

[ ] Maxed out on the 6 allowed unexcused absences but DID NOT drop. (Di ko talaga toh alam. Sayang!)

[x] Got invited or pursued by a sorority or fraternity.

[x] Wore slippers to school.

[ ] Had a professor who smoked in class.

[ ] Got diagnosed by the Infirmary as pregnant or infected with STD

Eraserheads The Final Set

2009-03-14T22:44:00.000-07:00

I've always said that I'm a Parokya Ni Edgar fan. But before that, I used to be an Eraserheads fan. If I can remember it right, I was in high school when eraserheads became popular. Their first song "Pare Ko" earned so much noise beacuse it had a line with an emphatic curse:

"O Diyos ko
Ano ba naman ito
Di ba Tang ina
Nagmukha akong tanga..."

Whoa! With that, the band Eraserheads became the talk-of-the-town. Critics had commented that the band's songs can be a bad influence to the youth.

Back in the day, songhits were still around but I didn't need one because I knew their songs by heart. Their tune was catchy. Most of their their lyrics, had an underlying meaning. Not too obvious, nakakalusot! There was even a time when they were called satanic because some people had tried backmasking one of their songs and found that there were demonic messages. C'mon! We're way more intelligent than that. That did not stop eraserheads from making albums and having several hit songs.

The first rock concert that I attended to was an Eraserheads one. It was a concert for freshmen at UPLB's Baker Hall. Anyway, I wasn't seated in front when the concert started but when Eraserheads came out, I was pushed and found myself in front of the stage. Ely Buendia was about a meter away from me. Right then and there, I was in-love with Ely Buendia. I love the beat of "Pasensya Na". I turn up the volume each time I hear it.

unfortunately, Eraserheads disbanded. First, it was Ely who left the band. Rumors circulated that the members had a falling out with Ely. The popularity had gotten into his head and had an attitude problem. Later on, he was replaced with a female vocalist. But that was short-lived. They eventually went on their separate ways. When that happened, I hated Ely Buendia. Eraserheads no more. The members went on with new bands. Ely is now with Pupil. Buddy Zabala is now part of The Dawn. Markus Adoro has Markus Highway. Raymund Marasigan is part of Sandwich, Pedicab and Cambio. Of the four, Raymund was the most successful. Raymond became my cool dude. He and his bands were making a lot if hits.

Last year, there was a buzz regarding a reunion concert of Eraserheads. I was discussing that with a fellow UP grad. We were thinking that we missed Eraserheads and seeing them perform together would be a treat. we didn't know if the concert was going to push through. Before I knew it, Ely was already in the hospital after experiencing chest pains during the Eraserheads reunion concert last August at The Fort. We thought we missed big time. The concert was cut short. Around September, Raymund and Buddy mentioned in an interview that they were hoping that they can continue the show in another time. Fans did hope for that.

Prayers have been answered since early this year it was announced that there was going to be another Eraserheads reunion concert. My officemates were game and even excited. We had decided to buy the cheapest ticket, in case something happens to Ely (bad namen noh?!).

ERASERHEADS THE FINAL SET.

March 7, 2009 was the date. SM Mall of Asia Grounds was the venue. We had our game plan then on how to get there really early since our tickets' area is the farthest. Unfortunately, none of the agreed meeting time was followed. For some reason, it was traffic everywhere that day. The parking was hell. I was overly stressed when I got to the concert venue. But you know what, it was all gone when the concert started. There was no reason to complain. It was worth it. We enjoyed. We were singing along. It brought back high school and college memories. That time I was proud of being a UP grad. The Eraserheads members were UP students. Gosh they passed UPCAT! Though they did not graduate, they always say that their starting grounds was the University of the Philippines. Anyway, another remarkable moment of the concert was their tribute to Francis Magalona, who was supposed to be a special guest. Everyone was cheering for Francis Magalona. Also, there was an encore. When the audience thought that it was over, they came back and sang 3 more songs. Grabe! Just to add, I fell in-love with Ely buendia again.

I am glad that I was part of that historical night. It was truly a memorable event.

Goodbye Man From Manila

2009-03-08T22:10:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Francis Magalona's blogsite the past five hours. I can't help but be amazed with his faith and strength as he documented everything that he was going through while getting treatment for leukemia. The man had lived a full life and was ready to embrace death at any point. Last Friday, March 6, 2009 at around 12 noon, Master Rapper Francis Magalona died at age 44.

Francis is a music icon. He was the first Filipino artist to launch a full-length album, thus earned the title "Master Rapper of the Philippines. My brother had a cassette tape of his first album "Yo!". From playing a supporting role in Bagets 2, Francis became a household name when his first album came out. I was in grade 5 when every one sang and danced to the tune of "Mga Kababayan Ko". Back then, I didn't realize what the song was about. All I know was I executed "running man", "scissors" & "Roger Rabbit" very well. I also knew the song by heart. That time I also had a crush and was singing "Cold Summer Nights" just in my head. He went on to making other songs like "Kabataan para sa Kinabukasan", "Man from Manila","Girl Be Mine" & "Kaleidoscope World". He also collaborated with other artists like Parokya ni Edgar, Gloc 9 and Ely Buendia among others.

Francis opened the door for other rap artists. What sets him apart is that most of his songs promoted nationalism and patriotism. His songs mirror the life of most Filipinos. He always had a message of truth and hope. The song that had a big impact to me was "Kaleidoscope World", released in 1996. My bestfriend Lei sings this emphatically. "Kaleidoscope World" had a very powerful meaning.

Francis referred to his illness as his "Happy Battle". Everything was in his blogsite up to the last night where he was set to have his fourth chemotherapy session the next day. That chemotherapy session was supposed to prepare him for his bone marrow transplant scheduled this month.

Unfortunately, Francis was not able to live through his illness and succumbed to pneumonia, a complication of his leukemia. But still, Francis is a survivor. He did not lose hope and went on to fight to the very last day for the people who love him the most, his family.

Francis has been and will always be an inspiration to the youth. His work and music will live on forever. The Master Rapper has finally gone home to THE MASTER.

Long live Man from Manila!

SHUFFLE

2009-03-05T14:03:00.000-08:00

RULES:
1. Put your MP3 player, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag at least 10 friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

********************************

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Toni Gonzaga - Catch Me I'm Falling (parang di naman yata)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Justin Timberlake - Sexy Back (hindi to totoo. how i wish!)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY?
Go West - Faithful (tama!)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Kelly Clarkson - Sober (sa pagod at antok)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder (di pa sure?! hmmm)

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Spandau Ballet - Round and Round (in short ang buhay parang gulong)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Kalapana - The Hurt (talaga lang ha)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
98 Degrees - The Hardest Thing (di naman siguro)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Angela Bofill - Tonight I Give In (the biggest surprise of all!)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Stereo MCs - Elevate My Mind (ahaha!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Kevyn Lettau - Sunlight (Truly)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Ace of Base - The Sign (di ko alam kung pano ko explain)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Color me Badd - Close to Heaven (why not?!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lady Gaga - Just Dance (my heart skips a beat)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Nina Sky - Move Your Body (all night dancing)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror (kaya pala pag may patay tinatakpan yung salamin)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
George Michael - Fast Love (parang di naman ata)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Smashmouth - Walkin' in the Sun (mahirap nang umitim ng bonggang-bongga)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Tears for Fears - Head over Heels (questionable)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Mikaila - The Art of Letting Go (ahahaha! kase naman yung e-mail)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
U2 - With or Without You (syempre with you my friends)

Gary V Live @ 25 - The Repeat

2009-02-22T21:47:00.000-08:00

I could never miss a Gary V concert. Last night, I watch Gary Live @ 25, The Repeat. My friends asked me why I was watching the same concert. My answer is simple - it's Gary V! I just can't get enough of Gary Valenciano. I'm sure other GV fans share the same sentiment. The concert last night was almost similar with last November's. But this time, it surpassed my then expectations. We were dancing at the latter part of the show with his Earth, Wind and Fire medley. Check out the photos below. You can also check my multiply site for the complete photos.

Meet SISQO

2009-02-21T19:29:00.000-08:00

For weeks, I've been entertaining the thought of buying myself a laptop. I was considering the budget and all and the recent appraisal. My teammate Noel has been very supportive of the decision. I have mentioned this to my Nanay and surprisingly she wasn't against the idea. After several visits to different computer stores and comparison of a number of brochures, I have finally bought my newest baby, Sisqo.

I'd like to thank Ava and Noel for helping me set-up Sisqo. Guys, I know you sacrificed your sleeping hours for setting-up Sisqo. I thank you both so much.

My PC is Dying

2009-01-25T22:23:00.000-08:00

10, 9, 8, 7, 6.....more weeks or probably less and my PC will cease function. How do I know? It's really a pain using it. It's a waste of time to open a program, switch from one file to another and connect to the internet.

I've had my PC since 2001. It's one of my first buys when I started working. It had been a wonderful companion for almost 8 years. It was my reliable ally especially with my work back in St. Paul.

Now in its last few runs, I am thinking if its worth having it repaired or upgraded. Or would it be better to put it to rest? Then, what will I use? Buying a new one is not an option these days.

Right now, all I can do is make a back-up of the files that I have in it. Before it's too late I need to save my files somewhere else. I am also posting what need to be posted on the net.

To my dear ol' PC, thank you!

25 Random Things

2009-01-10T21:40:00.000-08:00

Just another activity/quetionnaire circulating on the cyberspace:

I used to join math olympiads when I was in grade school. We represented our school in interschool competitions.
I can be very impatient because I have low EQ.
I don't really chew what I eat. Most of the time I swallow my food. I got used to this practice when I had braces on my teeth. This is because I didn't want any food getting in between my brackets.
I graduated as batch salutatorian in grade 6.
I am homophobic. I don't get along quick with gay people. I only have a few gay friends (Harold, Noel, Frank, Randy, Manny) and I really treasure them. Basta takot ako sa bakla. I don't know why.
I've had the same hairdresser for 5 years. His name is Manny of Bench Fix Rob Metro East. Why do I like him? He's super chikadora. At tops, he calls me "Ganda" or "Dyosa". Ako naman sobrang nagpapauto. But in fairness, Manny would always give me a fabulous haircut. Ako lang talaga di marunong mag-maintain.
I am scared of snakes. Just the thought of it makes me weak. I can't stand even looking at pictures of it.
I'm a super Gary Valenciano fan.
Isa lang uno ko nung college. Sa PE pa, streetdance class with matching recital.
I love the beach but don't know how to swim.
I was a cheerleader for a number of times in high school.
I have a complete set of original Friends series.
I used to be part of the children's choir in a local chapel in Marikina.
I was once an F4 addict. I have a wide collection of F4 stuff. I also have magazines that I bought in duplicates. Ung isa pwede buksan, yung isa sealed pa din. Hahaha collector's item ba?
I have dreams of meeting Bayani Agbayani, Pokwang & Pooh.
Had a bf at 14.
Pag antok na antok na ko, sobrang sinisipon at bumabahing ako.
I am not a voracious reader. At most I can read 10 pages na tuloy-tuloy. After that tulog na ko.
Weakness ko yung mga singkit (Kwon Sang Woo, Gong Yu, Vaness Wu & Richard Poon).
I can never live without McDonalds.
I enjoyed chemistry over biology. I hate physics.
I don't like rainy days because naiisip ko yung girl na nasa malayong lugar tas hindi sya makalabas kaya umiiyak lang sya.
I don't like travelling by boat. Never will I travel by RORO again.
I can laugh and cry at the same time. I have a knack for comedy and drama.
My ultimate crush is Albert Martinez.

Happy 2009

2009-01-02T07:55:00.000-08:00

2008 is done. So many things have happened to me which brought me a lot of lessons. There are things to regret about, events that could have been avoided or things that could have been better.

2008 made me suffer some illnesses which i intently pray I get through this year. I went through some financial constraints as well, following my car accident last April and vehicular accident last October wherein I was the victim. I covered the expenses for both accidents. As for the April accident, I should have been more careful and focus my attention on the road. It could have not happened. As for the October accident, it was beyond my control. Now I know I should not be seating at the end of the jeep.

My best friend also left for Singapore in 2008. Though she's here now. She'll be leaving again in afew days. I miss her terribly.

In 2008, I had let two big concerts pass: Maroon 5 concert back in March and the Eraserheads concert last August. I'm a huge fan of Maroon 5. I've been wanting to go but for some reason I did not see it. As for the Eraserheads concert, it was something that we have been talking about in the office. Before we knew it, it was over and Ely Buendia was in the hospital after a heart attack.

As for 2009 blessings and huge events, I was able to move to a new process and new team. I have new set of friends. I have moved to a higher analyst level. We are in a better office at The Fort. I was able to watch Gary valenciano's 25th anniversary concert.

What does 2009 hold for me? This is the inevitable year that I'll be on my big 3-O. Yup, it's my 30th birthday in a few months. So what?! It's just a number. I want a McDonald's party for that. But I do need to think about that. If ever, i wish to see all of my friends there. I've missed out a lot of moments with my friends since I was too sleepy or too tamad to go out. My shopping hobby somehow got out-of-hand. I plan to stop or control that at least. I intend to continue saving up so that I can go on a vacation in another country or even just in the Philippines. Since I can't do hardcore exercises because of my back problem, I plan to watch what I eat instead. I should be very patient on the road and be very careful all the time.

These are just plans which I hope I can concretize. I'm a work in progress and I hope and pray to do better this year.

My Life on a Post-it

2008-12-21T21:31:00.000-08:00

Yup that's my work of art. Noel took the time to actually interpret what I have drawn on the post-it one idle time at the office. Can you imagine he was able to come up with something from my drawing?! I agreed with some of what he said. Any other interpretation? How about you? Go figure!

Christmas Wishlist 2008

2008-11-30T22:42:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Dec 1. This means that Christmas is just a few mornings away. As the song goes, "you can't stop Christmas'. I am almost done with my christmas shopping for my family especially my numerous pamangkins. I tell you I have a bunch of them. They were on top of my list. The gifts are not that expensive but they sure did come from my heart (sniff, sniff). I enjoy seeing them so thrilled upon opening their gifts (and getting disappointed afterwards. hehehe).

As usual I don't get as much as the kids. It's possible I may not get anything at all. I used to get so much when I was in St. Paul. But after three years, I've gotten used to scarcity of gifts during Christmas. Ganun talaga eh! But still a part of me wants some material things. Would Santa be generous? Nah, I've been pretty naughty and pretty nice. Hindi todo! di ko kaya.

My Christmas wishlist (attention friends & cousins)

blueberry cheesecake
Richard Poon cd
Maroon 5 cd/dvd
full tank for Teepee
a good soothing 2-hour massage
Gary Valenciano 25 platinum ballad collection cd
24-hour fun day with Cholo, Lui & Eriel
a big bottle of Issey Miyake perfume
a new cell phone
new pair of shoes
monopoly game board (not the Philippine edition)
a new car stereo
lastest cd of The Dawn

Let's end there cause I might not get to sleep. Wish lang naman e.

I Cried with Anne Curtis

2008-11-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

What's a girl gonna do on a lazy Sunday afternoon? Of course watch showbiz-oriented talk shows like The Buzz! A few weeks ago they showed an interview of Anne Curtis regarding her much-talked about break-up with sam Milby. I'm not a big fan of Anne Curtis but she and Sam make a beautiful couple. They really look good together. The tell-all interview with Anne was done by Kris Aquino. I just can't take my mind off the interview.

According to Anne, it was about time to clarify the issues surrounding her break-up with Sam. She wanted to put an end to all the rumors that came about. She and Sam are still friends. She even asked Sam if she can grant the interview to which Sam said to go with it. They are still talking. But the boyfriend-girlfriend realtionship has ended. It was Sam who initiated the break-up. There was no third party involved. Sam had wanted to grow wih The Lord first before continuing his relationship with Anne. For some, it might sound a whole lot of crap. But I do get Sam's point. He knew it could and would hurt Anne. I actually commend him for doing a very bold sacrifice. The love is still there but they can't continue together. Why can't they grow with The Lord together? It's always a personal relationship with God.

What can Anne do? She agreed with it being a Christian as well. She never carried any ill feelings toward Sam. I cried with Anne Curtis. I know how hard it was. It brought back memories of the past. I was once in that painful situation. It wasn't an easy decision but we all know that you can't compete with God. It would be very hard to let go but these things do take time and a lot of prayers. It's also a time to build your own personal relationship with God. Just cry it all out girl and you'll be okay before you know it.

Why am I prying on these celebrities' lives? Wala kase chismosa lang ako. Seriously, as celebrities you know that they are also humans. They go through different emotions like ordinary people. Since their public figures, you also learn from what they go through in life.

As for Anne, just remember the saying: If you love the person, set him free. If he comes back to you, it's meant to be. That didn't work for me. I'm glad it didn't because we're better off as friends.

Gary V Live @ 25

2008-11-16T21:34:00.000-08:00

It was truly one of the best Gary Valenciano concerts ever. Marking his 25th year in the biz, Gary V gave his all depsite feeling under the weather. As usual, I came with my fellow GV fans: Kath & Rainey (missing my best friend Lei).

I was almost in tears due to traffic in Araneta Center that night. Aside from that, there were no more parking slots. Since I'm not familar with Araneta Center, I ended up parking near Shopwise which was several blocks away from Araneta Coliseum.

We came in just in time for the concert. At 8:45pm, the lights were dimmed and the concert started with "Shout for Joy". Everyone was already dancing. The whole concert was very entertaining. I'm sure everyone enjoyed the concert. The concert ended at around 12:15am. It was very long but it was worth it. It would have been better if it was longer or even 24 hours. To everyone's surprise, Martin Nievera came out during the latter part of the show. Now that was such a treat! Just to show how great it was, here are the pics:

Kapag Minamalas Ka Nga Naman (Ang Karugtong)

2008-11-08T21:34:00.000-08:00

Nawawala na yung driver! Sinubukan namen syang tawagan sa numerong binigay nya. Walang sumasagot. Pinuntahan na rin namen yung opisina ng grupo nila, Diamond Motors sa Maly pero ang sabi hindi na raw pumupunta yung driver dun. At saka may utang pa raw yung sa kooperatiba nila na hindi pa nababayaran. Hindi na raw nagpakita simula nung banggaan. Yung numerong binigay nya sa amen, numero pala yun ng opisina nila iba talaga yung numbero nya sa bahay. Sinubukan tawagan ng Tito ko yung number nya sa bahay na nakalista sa opisina nila. Nung una sabi nandun daw. Nung nagpakilala yung Tito ko, nakaalis na daw. Sobrang obvious naman ni Manong na umiiwas! At sobrang obvious na hindi na kame mababayaran. Bukod kase sa gastos sa ospital nung araw ng aksidente, may gastos pa ko sa gamot at sa therapy kase hindi makagalaw yung kaliwang braso ko ng normal. Sumasakit. Sabi ng mga Tito ko hayaan na lang kase mas masama ang balik ng karma. Nato Manicio, di ko alam kung pano 'to babalik sa yo ng bonggang-bongga!

Sinong Shopaholic?

2008-10-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

I love shopping. So what?

I just read an article from the magazine Girlfriend which talks about Retail Therapy. I got worried after reading it. It talks about shopping for new things to fill in what's missing or lacking. Sounds heavy? Let's face it. When were not in the mood, a new shirt or a new pair of comfortable shoes somehow lifts our spirit. It makes us feel good. The article puts this as "comfort buys".

I checked my closet and found clothes that are still in bags that I have bought and yet have not worn. I got shirts and blouses that almost looked the same, just of different color (mostly striped & color blue). But I bought them during store or mall sales. My best friend told me that it's not an excuse that I only buy during mall sales. He pointed out the fact that I buy clothes or shoes that I don't really need. He also said that even if I bought them during mall sales and that there is almost always a mall sale in the metro that I never missed is already an issue. I'm still in denial. I don't consider myself a slave of shopping but I'll think about this and process this on my own.

There's no use in denying that this is or this can be a problem. I'll work on it. Promise!

Kapag Minamalas Ka Nga Naman

2008-10-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

Kahapon, October 15, 2008, habang nakasakay ako ng jeep pauwi ng San Mateo. Galing ako sa trabaho kaya medyo inaantok na talaga ko. Syempre pagkabayad ko ng pamasahe umurong ako agad sa dulo ng jeep kase nga tamad talaga ko mag-abot ng pamasahe ng ibang tao.

Nung malapit na sa Batasan Bridge, nagdahan-dahan na yung sinasakyan kong jeep pati mga sinusundan nito. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, may shooting na naman siguro kaya ganun. Tama nga ako may shooting sa may Batasan Bridge. Nagminor yung jeep na sinasakyan ko kase may malaking kable na nakalatag sa kalsada. Isa pa puno yung jeep na sinasakyan ko.

Nagulat na lang ako ng may rumaragasang jeep na bumangga sa jeep na sinasakyan ko. Sa sobrang lakas ng bangga humampas ang ulo at braso ko sa matigas na parte ng jeep na siansakyan ko. Di ko muna naramdaman yung sakit kase tinitignan ko yung lalaking katapat ko sa jeep. Nagdurugo yung paa nya dahil sa lakas ng bangga. Tinamaan yung paa nya ng bakal ng jeep na bumangga sa amin. Tinignan ko yung steps ng jeep na sinasakyan ko, yupi na. Halos mawala na sasobrang yupi. Buti na lang naiwas ko yung paa ko. Maya-maya tinanong na ko ng katabi ko kung masakit yung tama ko. NUng una talaga wala akong nararamdaman hanggang sa maningkit na yung kaliwang mata ko at unti-unti kong naramdaman ang pagkalat ng sakit ng ulo ko mula kaliwa hanggang sa buong ulo ko na.

Bumaba na yung ibang pasahero pero hindi kameng parehong nasa dulo na nasaktan. Sabi ng driver ng jeep na sinasakyan namen, dadalhin kame sa ospital para matignan at yung nakabanggang driver ang magbabayad ng gastusin. Dahil nagmamadali yung lalaking nasugatan sa paa, sinabi nya na lang na bayaran sya sa sugat na nakuha nya at sya na lang ang magpapagamot sa sarili nya. Di ko lang alam kung magkano yung ibinayad sa kanya. Ako, ayokong bumaba kase gusto kong madala sa ospital para kung meron mang masamang mangyari sa akin eh merong mananagot. Mabuti kung may sugat gaya nung sa lalaki. At least alam kung saan yung tama nya. Takot ako sa internal injury. Sabihin na nating aksidente nga yung nangyare pero kung ano man ang mangyare sa ken dapat may maging responsable para dun.

Una akong dinala sa St. Mattheus Hospital kase yun ang pinakamalapit. Dahil walang pambayad yung driver, hindi nila magagawa yung X-ray at lab test. Nagpalipat na lang ako sa Marikina Valley Medical Center kase accredited yung health card ko dun. Pero di nila ako tinanggap kase vehicular accident yung case ko. Kailangan daw sa ospital na nagbibigay ng medico legal. Pinalipat nila sa Amang Rodriguez Medical Center. At dahil ospital ng gobyerno yun, na-X-ray at na-CT scan ako bandang alas dos ng hapon. Yung aksidente nangyare ng 11:30 ng tanghali. Ganun ko katagal tiniis yung sakit hanggang sa lumabas yung resulta ng 4 ng hapon. Hindi naman ganun kaseryoso yung head at arm injury ko. Salamat sa aking chubby cheek at flabby arm, walang nadurog na buto. Pero binigyan ako ng doktor ng gamot para sa sakit at sa pamamaga. Sinabihan din ako ng doctor na gumamit ng armsling sa loob ng tatlong araw para di gaanong magalawa yung braso ko.

Nasabi ko ba na Nanay ko muna nag-abono para masimulan yung X-ray at CT scan ko? Wala daw pera yung driver na nakabangga. Kame halos nagbayad ng lahat ng gastusin sa ospital. Nangako naman yung driver na babayaran kame pag nagkapera sya. Kailan kaya yun? Di na namen alam. Sabi ng nanay ko mas importante ligtas ako.

Kaya eto, nangingitim na yung braso at pisngi ko. Di ako pumasok sa opisina kase pinagpahinga ako ng doctor para di raw masyadong magalaw yung bugbog ko.

Andame kong nasulat noh? Apat na oras ko tong sinulat kase kanang kamay lang ginagamit ko. Bawal magalaw yung kaliwa.

Passion for Something

2008-10-05T22:36:00.000-07:00

I envy people who are passionate about a certain craft or hobby. Apart from their busy schedule, they're able to squeeze in other things that they love to do.

Take for example the mountain bikers that I see very Saturday morning in San Mateo. I'm sure they have work the whole week and yet they wake up early to bike and hang out with fellow bikers. I'm sure they've also spent a lot on this hobby considering how good their bikes looked and how they had something on thier cards to attach their bikes thereafter. These days I also see a lot of people getting into photography. They carry those high-tech cameras and use different lenses. They even go out-of-town to capture the best photos. Because of these, their shots are really impressive. I also know someone who's into triathlon (or even decathlon) and would join competitions around the country. Imagine the training that he does. One time he showed me his watch and it's 14k pesos worth (if I remember it right). It looked liked a regular digital watch to me but he said it measures his speed as he trains. Aside from that, his bike is worth (or even more) a downpayment for a new car.

What am I passionate about? SLEEPING! I think I'm best at sleeping. Hehehe! Most often than not I am asleep. When others look forward to weekends to hang out with family or friends or to pursue their hobbies, I look forward to weekends to sleep. I know I'm missing out a lot because of my sleepiness (more like laziness) but I'm already used to it. You see, I used to suffer from insomnia and slowly I'm becoming narcoleptic. Not really! It's just that sleeping gives me a certain euphoria. I am happy when I sleep.

I am also passionate about shopping. But let me make it clear that I only shop during mallwide sales. I don't really own anyhting that I bought on it's regular price. It has to be discounted. Whether it's a mall in QC or Makati, Pasig or Mandaluyong. I'm definitely gonna be there. I'm always updated to upcoming mallwide sales and I try as much as I can to be there early. It's a battlefield during mall sales. I have so many clothes, most of which I have worn only once or not at all. Ewan I just enjoy shopping.

I love to dance. I've been dancing since I was a kid and it's something that I really enjoy. I love performance dancing. But these days I am confined to dancing in my own room. I can't rehearse or dance extensively as before due to my slipped disc. If given a chance I'd like to continue dancing, enroll in a dance class or whatever. Dancing is a great exercise and I definitely need to exercise nowadays. Actually I've started scouting some dance studios. I am also interested in doing Capoeira. I have checked out some classes but none of which fit my schedule. It's something new for me and I'm eager to get into it.

Not many people know but I had piano lessons when I was 8 years old. I can read notes and play a little. Amongst all the musical instruments, I show more promise on the piano. I want to continue learning and playing. I have to brush up my skills so I can play on my own. I envy people who are musically-inclined especially those who can play the piano and sing at the same time.

Over all I love music. I have been exposed to different kinds of music. Growing up and spending summers at my Lola's house in Marikina, my cousins and I wake up to standard music on Sunday mornings that my uncle plays. Did you know that one of my favorite songs is "Misty" by Johnny Matthis? My cousins also exposed me to 80s music. Can you blame me if I listen to Friday Magic Madness over at 89.9 or Wave Back Wednesday over at 89.1? I have a wide-range of MP3 music. I listen inside my car and sing at the top of my lungs or gyrate to the music.

I am so passionate about a lot of things which actually equates my passion for life. My hobbies may not be as extreme as others but these are the simple things that I like. I may not be the expert at all of these but I sure do try my best and enjoy the time that I have while doing it.

Sleepiness is attacking again. My most favorite thing to do. Better be hitting the sack!

Everyday Nightmare

2008-09-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

I've been having the same dream with the same person in it and it makes me weary because I don't even like that person. A case of hidden desire? I don't think so.

But the big question iS: WHY HIM? Additional questions is: Why those kind of dreams? I don't know Maria! How can I describe the dreams? It's relentless and stupid. It's a saga. A continuation of each and every dream. And sometimes, a play back of what was.

I'm sick and tired of it. Actually, I sometimes think that it's better not to sleep at all if I'm just gonna get those dreams again. It's freakin' annoying. I do pray before and after I go to sleep. But if there's any meaning to this, it's NOTHING to me. So I hope it stops!

ONLY WHEN I SLEEP
by The Corrs

You're only just a dreamboat
Sailing in my head
You swim my secret oceans
Of coral blue and red
Your smell is incense burning
Your touch is silken yet
It reaches through my skin
And moving from within
It clutches at my breast

But it's only when I sleep
See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe

Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep

And when I wake from slumber
Your shadow's disappear
Your breath is just a sea mist
Surrounding my body
I'm workin' through the daytime
But when it's time to rest
I'm lying in my bed
Listening to my breath
Falling from the edge
But it's only when I sleep

See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe

Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep
It's only when I sleep

Sharon instrumental

Up to the sky
Where angels fly
I'll never die
Hawaiian High
In bed I lie
No need to cry
My sleeping cry
Hawaiian High

It's reaching through my skin
Movin' from within
Clutches at my breasts
But it's only when I sleep....

See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe

Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep

Up to the sky
Where angels fly
I'll never die
Hawaiian High
In bed I lie
No need to cry
My sleeping cry
Hawaiian High

My New Team

2008-09-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

September flew by unexpectedly fast. The first week of September was the continuation of our training and learning. As previously mentioned, I am now in a new team. There are 19 of us and I am so glad to be reunited with my bathmates Poi, Nina, Mae & Mau. I missed their company but now I get to work & hangout with them as teammates. Of course I moved with my ka-troika Tito Boy (Gary) and Tita Cristy (Ava).

This is also a chance to meet and get to know new friends. I particularly like my new and very gay friend and seatmate, Frank. The homophobic in me never thought that I'd get this close with him this fast. Mind you my boyfriend sya. Anataray di ba?! Ako wala! Ahahaha!

Everyday was a learning experience as we slowly get immersed into the new process. Thanks to our trainers who flew in from Arizona, NIkki & Emily. Challenges are met every now and then but we move on as we laugh at & learn from our mistakes. So far, I'm enjoying. I'm enjoying also cause our schedule is fixed, 1am - 10am. Thank goodness! September ends with Frankie's birthday celebration.

Oh by the way I get to be a subteam manager next quarter.

THE REAL THING by Kalapana

2008-08-30T21:05:00.000-07:00

This song has been haunting me for days. Core sang this during our videoke night last week. A midst all the noise and celebration during the night, this song totally tugged my heart. Read on why. I suggest you search and listen to the song if you got the time.

Here comes the night
Once again
I'll be feeling lonely
Oh, if only things could work out like you plan
Where can love be
Tell me why it's so hard to find somebody
Who will stand by me
And take the time to understand
And show me love again

I want the real thing
Or nothing at all
I need someone that I can be sure will catch me
If I should fall
Someone who'll be there when I call
Then I'll know that it's the real thing
I want the real thing
To warm me each night
Someone to love me over and over
Making the future bright
Someone who'll be there when I call
Just give me the real thing

Where is the moon?
Won't it smile
On just one more dreamer
Let your beams come down
And fill my empty room
Here comes the night
But if there's still a chance
That love can find me
I'll be here
Crossing my fingers

I want to know for sure
That I can feel secure
Knowing I've found an everlasting love
And once I get that under control
Then I won't let go

Ang nice di ba?

The Last of Team Mike

2008-08-24T17:25:00.000-07:00

The Move

2008-08-19T06:51:00.000-07:00

My almost 12 months working in Makati has accustomed me to the area. I know parking is bad in Makati but I've got used to it. When people hear that I work in Makati, they say I'm sosyal or something. But it's not. Yeah, people are almost always in their corporate clothes, carrying their suit cases with matching cell phones almost attached to their ears. People seem to be always on the go. There are foreigners, who seem to know their way around, everywhere. There are the high-rise buildings and condos as well as the high-end shops and restos. But I never got intimidated about the place. In fact, I loved it. The fact there are food kiosks around my office was enough to satisfy my appetite (hello laking ala carte ata 'to ng UP). I can walk around Makati without feeling tired provided that I see nice things and nice people. Did you know that I walk from MRT Ayala Station to my office near Paseo almost everyday? That's some exercise! Of course I passby SM, Glorietta and Landmark and take the bridgeway. Isn't it nice? On weekends there are various food sales. About commuting, there's always the reliable Ayala-Washington jeep. I sure did have problems commuting in buses but I've come to terms with it. My friends are also Makati workers. I am going to miss working in Makati.

In a few days our office will be moving to Net Quad at the Fort. The Fort used to be just a gimmick place for me. But soon I'll be working in the area. There were a lot of clamour about our move to the Fort. This was more about the transpo. Commuting at The Fort would only mean by cab or by taking the Fort bus. Last time I heard the management was just making arrangements in having a 24/7 trip for the Fort buses. I'm no fan of taxi cabs. Oh well! About parking, there's still no word about it. Since it's The Fort, food is expected to be expensive. Let's just see.

I'm sure there would be new adjustments but part of me is positive about this move.

New adventures here I come!

About Overlooked

2008-08-01T14:31:00.000-07:00

I was told this morning that I got in the new process. And my reaction? Nothing! It has lost it's meaning. Can you blame me?

Happy Birthday Bestfriend Lei!

2008-07-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, we had a seminar on self excellence and the latter part of it made us list down our long term & short term plans. That time my short term plan was to reconnect with my bestfrend Lei. You see, she was a 15-minute drive away from our home and yet we didn't manage to hang out as often as possible. I can honestly say that we've grown apart. We have our different set of priorities and work schedule. Now that she has her own family, it's given what should be given utmost importance which I totally understand.

It's just that there are things that I want to tell her because I know that she's the only one who could understand me at that point. But I chose not to bother her. I was the one who slowly moved away thinking that I don't want to add up to any disturbances that she was having. In the end, I found myself scared that I might lose my bestfriend forever which I can never stand.

Last June 13, I finally had my short term goal fulfilled. We had our last hurrah
(hopefully not the last) before she left for Singapore. Dinner was great. We had talked about almost everything. God I so missed her! She was the same person that I've treasured all these years. She's my best friend in the whole wide world.

Now, it's been weeks since she left and I'm missing her terribly. She may be physically away but in my heart she will always be with me. (sniff, sniff)

We've been bestfriends since I moved to San Mateo. From spiked bangs to Aquanet sprayed bangs; from bulldog shoes to babydoll shoes; from knitted socks to almost knee-high socks; from oversized shirts to babytee shirts; from quarrels to reconciliations; from new loves to break-ups - we've seen each other through. We've cried and laughed together. With just one look, we knew what each one of us was thinking. I just love making her laugh. She had this high-pitched tone of a laugh. Weird but distinct!

When we were younger she never failed to give me small notes, even cards that she made herself. And during summer when she's not allowed to go out, she would send me letters just to let me know that she misses me. On the night befire I left for UPLB, she called me up crying because we won't be together as much as we wanted to. When I told her that I was planning to transfer to UP Diliman, she was very excited. When I was in UP Diliman, there was time that our schedule would not just meet. Then one day we surprisingly bumped into each other. She said that she bought a card and was planning to mail it to me. She reached inside her bag & handed me the card. She added that it was a good thing that we saw each other because it saved her from the expense of mailing the card, then she left. The card said that she was missing me a lot. Soon enough our schedules jived. We found
ourselves commuting in the afternoon. When we can't get a ride & bored waiting, we made fun of anything or anyone we'd see. We'd laugh till our sides ached.

Then we found our own careers that almost made us impossible to meet up. But we would always pick up from where we left off. When she told me she was pregnant, I supported her all the way. I knew that was the best thing that I could do for her.

I have to admit that I was not the best bestfriend she deserved. For several times, I have let her down with the choices that I made back then. I knew I should have spent more time with her but I didn't. When the time that my choice ended, Lei was there to catch me with open arms & to assure me that she'll never leave me. Last year, I made a terrible decision. I thought she'd get mad but all she did was listen and extend her support.

I have so many fond memories of her. I wish we could build more in the future. But for now, I'll let her spread her wings and soar high as I pray for her continued success. My promise of love and friendship stands forever my dear Lei. Happy birthday! As you said, no more tears 'cause I am here!

OVERLOOKED

2008-07-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

I may be all smiles and jolly all the time but man I am extremely pissed right now. I thought I was okay but I am really not.

I've been doing my best, exceeding goals and expectations. One step forward that I take, I was turned down. I hate to say this but I sure am qualified. With the qualifications listed, I've met those and may haVe exceeded in some areas. I don't wanna sound arrogant but, was that a just decision?

Maybe it wasn't time. Maybe it wasn't for me. Maybe I was OVERLOOKED! I've been told several times about my potential and that has helped me build my confidence in trying out another opportunity. I surely wouldn't have tried if I didn't know that I was up for it. The qualifications now look like a big BS to me!

I'm not questioning the people who got in. I'm questioning the people who decided. Oh yeah you may say I'm a soar loser and sourgraping and all that shit! What the heck! I'm pissed. I am looking for an explanation which I don't hink I would ever get.

To me, myself and I, GOOD LUCK!

Complaints of a Constant Commuter

2008-07-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

I used to bring Teepee to the office during the end of the week. This is to give me a break from the hassles of commuting (like traffic, pollution, waiting for the train or bus to arrive, etc.).

I've been a certified commuter since college but having Teepee around the last four years gave me the luxury (naks!) to drive and roam around at my convenience (sometimes at my expense!). But with the weekly gas price hike, bringing Teepee with me to Makati at least once a week is not the wisest idea these days.

I have adjusted to the perils of commuting but of course I get to experience inconveniences once in a while. Commuting can be a big pain in the A.. sometimes. Living in the M vicinity of San Mateo is already a burden since my address is as long as the travel time that I take from San Mateo to Makati. Believe me, I see and experience a lot of things just sitting inside the vehicle. I don't really sleep when I commute (except for the commuting experience that I had with Kath when I was still in St. Paul) that's why I can't help not be affected (and most often that not be irritated) with what I see.

I've discussed horrible commuting experiences with my officemates and we somehow share the same views and opinions (naks parang political!). Here are some of them:

Eksenang jeep at bus:

Mga pasaherong unang nakasakay sa jeep at uupo sa pinakadulo ng jeep. Mag-aantay ng ibang pasahero para lang magpaabot ng bayad.

Yung nagpaabot ng bayad na hindi man lang nagpapasalamat.

Yung antuking pasahero na halos higaan ka na.

Yung nagyoyosi sa jeep. Nakita na ngang kulob yung jeep eh (sayang effort kong maligo noh!). Minsan pa, yung mga nakaupo sa harap at nagyoyosi, syempre pag nagyosi sila at umandar papasok yung usok (minsan yung ash pa) dun sa likod.

Yung pasaherong dumedeadma sa nagpapaabot ng bayad (fine minsan guilty ako dito!).

Yung mga pasaherong ayaw umayos o umusog ng upo. Minsan nakaupo yung bag nila o anak nila (na di naman bayad).

Yung pasaherong walang pakialam na may matamaan o matapakan sya basta lang makupo.

Yung jeep O bus na pacman. Yung tigil ng tigil kahit wala namang pumapara. Di ba papara/kakaway naman yung pasahero kung gustong sumakay?

Yung jeep na halos durugin ang eardrum mo sa lakas ng tugtog.

Yung jeep o bus na nagcucutting-trip kase ikaw na lang pasahero. Obligado kang bumaba at lumipat sa ibang sasakyan.

Yung mga jeep o bus na bumubusina sa harap ng simbahan. Di ba nga may "no blowing of horns" signage sa mga simbahan? Ay baka di na intindihan.

Yung jeep o bus na smoke-belcher.

Yung jeep o bus na akala mo makina ng jet plane ang gamit. Minsan oks yung mabilis pero most of the time hindi kase masakit sa katawan.

Yung jeep o bus na nagsussukli ng mali. Kunware mali bilang ng sukli. Style nyo bulok!

Eksenang MRT/LRT:

Yung mag sumisingit sa pila. Parang mapapatanong ka sa sarili mo na "San nanggaling yun?" eh nauna ka sa pila.

Yung ayaw din umayos ng upo.

Yung train nasisira pag malelate ka na.

Yung majohong katabi mo. Waah breathing through the mouth ka tuloy!

Yung mga pasaherong akala mo sa kanila yung train na kung makapg-usap eh napakalakas.

I know I should just let go of what I see when I commute cause I'm the one who gets stressed. But let's face it, that makes commuting a challenge and makes you tough in the next commuting experience. Don't ya agree?

PS:
Don't you hate seeing commuters carrying their thermo mugs? I have several questions: Don't they have lockers or drawers in their office where they can keep their mugs? Are they too busy to clean their mugs at the office that they'd rather wash it at home (pro may nakikita din ako na mukhang papasok pa lang tas dala nila yung thermo mug nila!)? Are they taking out coffee from their office? Can't they use a bigger bag to put ther mug inside? We'll I'm just concerned. It's difficult to commute when you have both hands, or at least a hand, full. According to my friend, it has become a status symbol for call center agents. If you see one carrying a thermo mug, for sure, taga-call center yun. Ganun?!

Now I'm a SME

2008-07-09T07:22:00.000-07:00

I'm going on my 10th month at the office! Bilis noh?! My boss just informed me that I was chosen to be a SME or subject matter expert. Who? ME? What's a SME? A SME is a process training assistant. On the fourth week of process training, the trainees start working on live accounts. The SMEs are there to assist the process trainer if there are questions from the trainees or they need assistance in handling an account. It's like sharing what you learned and what you do in production to make the job easier. You also evaluate each trainee's strengths and weaknesses.

Honestly, I'm overwhelmed. I am the first in our batch to be chosen as a SME. To be given such trust that I do know the process enough to be able to share it to new hires is such a huge responsibility. I was not the best in our batch when we finished are process training. In fact I was one of the slow workers. I worked my way to achive my goals up to this very day and I believe I have delivered what was expected of me. When I was a trainee I wanted to be a SME because our SMEs back then were so good. We looked up to them. In our career plan, I mentioned that one of my goals is to be a SME. A few days from now, I'm gonna be one. Now I have to pay forward. I'm scared but I was assured that I was chosen because I met the criteria. Let's just hope I don't screw up.

Kal-el's 7th Birthday

2008-07-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

Hangin Out w/ Joyce on July 4

2008-07-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

Slipped Disc It Is

2008-06-21T16:10:00.000-07:00

After months of excruciating lower back pain, an episode of inability to walk and ebndless physical theray sessions, my doctor confirmed that I have slipped disc. After seeing my MRI plate, she said that I have multipled slipped discs. OMG! A simple physical therapy session will no loger be enough. That's why I am being referred to another hospital with a traction machine. It's going to be 8 sessions for a month until I see my doctor again for evaluation.

Hay, another illness added to my long list of ailments. True signs of aging. Ahahaha! My doctor. it's a non-threatening ilnness. According to www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk:

"A slipped disc occurs when the outer part of your disc ruptures, allowing the gel inside to bulge and protrude outwards from in between your vertebrae. The damaged disc can put pressure on your whole spinal cord, or on a single nerve fibre. This means that a slipped disc can cause pain both in the area of the protruding disc and in any part of your body which is controlled by the nerve the disc is pressing on.

A slipped disc occurs most frequently in your lower back, but any disc can rupture, including those in your upper back and neck.
With most slipped discs, pain is caused when part of the disc starts to press on one of the nerves that run along the spine. The sciatic nerve is the most commonly affected nerve. This large nerve is made up of several smaller nerves that pass from your spinal cord in your lower back. The nerve travels deep inside your buttocks, and down the back of each leg.

If you have pressure on the sciatic nerve it can cause:

a lasting, aching pain,numbness, and a tingling sensation in one, or both, of your legs. These symptoms often start in your lower back, and then travel down your buttocks and into either of the legs.

Muscle spasms and paralysis tend to occur in your arms, legs and buttocks. The pain you experience when a disc presses on a nerve is often worse when you cough or sneeze. This is because these sudden movements can put more pressure on the nerve. The pain can also be worse when you go to sit down because, again, pressure is put on the spine and nerves."

Since I don't have a scanner to show my actual MRI plate, here are examples of MRI images of a slipped disc:

Pretty scary huh? But my doctor added that we just need to manage the illness before it gets worse. meaning in due time, I could do all my usual activities without having to worry about my lower back. I could be as bibo as I used to be. As the emergency doctor said in May (she happens to be a schoolmate), malikot daw kase ako back then and it's a consquence of my kakulitan & being a performer back then.

Anyway, I'm hoping the traction machine works for me. The lower back pain can be really tough. It just saddens me when I'm not able to move around like I used to.

The Amazing Mini-Me

2008-06-05T06:40:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Luisa! You never cease to amaze me.

My niece, Luisa turns a year older today. A few days back she called me to tell me that she's celebrating her birthday at Richmonde Hotel with her family. I excitedly asked, "so kasama ako?". She replied "Family nga eh!". Oh my bad! Family for her meant her dad, mom & Kuya Cholo. The celebration at the hotel was also a blowout since she got accelerated. She's skipping prep level and now an incoming grade 1 student. Galing!

I'm in awe of what she does and what she says. One time at dinner table she told told her mom, "Mommy magboboyfriend ako pag 25 na ko". Everyone's jaw dropped. She just said it out of nowhere. She can be very talkative & tactless at times. Every time she gets into my car, she starts talking until we reach our destination. Non-stop! But she's only like that with people that she knows.

The most hilarious thing happened about a month ago. Lui used to have acrush with a former classmate at Claret CSC - Carl Tongol. Everyone in our family has heard of Carl Tongol. Since she was accelerated and tranferring to a new school, there was no way that she can still see Carl Tongol. But by stroke of luck, Carl Tongol started calling her up at home. The yaya said the two would talk for hours with Lui's feet up on the couch. It went on for days. But I guess, Lui wasn't ready for anything (Ahahaha!). She instructed her yaya that the next time Carl Tongol calls, say that she's not home. But wait there's more, she said "Sabihin mo nasa Bulacan ako!". Gosh, she has not been to Bulacan and we don't even have relatives there!

Luisa, nag-iisa ka! I'm so proud of you.

Sunday Schedule

2008-06-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

I'm actually trying to put myself to sleep. Tonight, we start working on Sundays. Waaaaah! I hate it. I don't know if I'll be able to drag myself out of the house. I feel so bad about this schedule. Sunday is rest day, day for the family, day for the Lord. But no, I'm supposed to sleep through the day to be able to work at night. Saklap! I don't really see the rationale in it. Why can't they respect Sundays?

I like my work. I like my office. I like my friends at the office. Resignation is not an option at this point. I just hate the schedule even though it's going to be just for a month. My boss had tried to convince me to look at the brighter side of the situation - that is I am free on Fridays to out with friends since our schedule is from Sunday to Thursday. That's too shallow of a considerable advantage! I don't know if it'll work for me since I'm not into gimmicks these days (moreso, years).

This is an injustice! I hope I can work well tonight and the three other Sundays.

Happy First Birthday Eriel!

2008-05-31T22:31:00.000-07:00

Sayang

2008-05-26T03:29:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking one of our former students. She wasn't a direct student of mine but I knew who she was. She was courteous even though I wasn't one of her teachers. She was one of the smartest girls in that batch.

Now, she's gone. I don't know how but she's gone. I wasn't able to go to her wake because I got the news late last night. I was able to talk to some of her batchmates and we all had the same sentiment: Sayang! They said that she was running for honors. She has achieved so much at such a young age. She had a lot going for her. But now it's over.

Why would anyone take his or her own life? What pushes someone to give up on life? She may probably have her own reasons and there's no point in questioning her now. We may feel sorry for her but all she needs now is our understanding and prayers. My prayers are with you....

Happy 10th BIrthday Cholo!

2008-05-14T05:26:00.000-07:00

Walang Kawala

2008-05-11T22:20:00.000-07:00

One month flew by so fast. My best friend left last Friday and he said that I lost in our bet. He's been planning to make me cry since he knew that he was coming home to Manila. After three years of being away, we planned to make the most of his vacation. But he said he had a mission.

The moment I saw him he automatically said "Rhaych iyak na!". Asa ka! With our initial conversations, he was leading to what had happened to me. But I wasn't that easy to give in. Then as the days passed he started becoming busy hanging out with his relatives and friends. I, on the other hand, was still thinking about what happened to Teepee. He said that of all the times, ngayon pa nabangga si Teepee. He didn't have car to go around. He was hoping to use my car. Sorry na ha!

Two days after my birthday, he got me cornered. There was no use escaping that moment. He knew me too well. As he had expected, I cried. I cried like there was no tomorrow. In between sobs, I was able to tell him everything. He was just quiet. No questions. No prejudice. He was just there to help me pour out what I felt like the typical psychologist that he is. He assured me that everything's going to be fine with me. I'm still his Amazing best friend.

It actually felt good. It felt good that it was with him that I unloaded what he said was my backlog for months. Before that morning ended, we found ourselves singing with all our mights at one of booths in Timezone Trinoma. I must have sang "Someday We'll Know" for a dozen times. And how can we forget our anthem? "Because of You" by 98 Degrees. It was good to have him around.

With almost 10 years of friendship, we had learned to accept each other's flaws and appreciate each other as well. I miss you and I'm going to miss you still. See yoo soon bro! Promise I won't be sleepy and too idle to go out next time.. Ingat!

Poor Teepee..... Poor Me

2008-04-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

Below are shots of how Teepee looks like after the accident. It's now at Kuya Ricky's shop. Teepee's badly hurt. Parang nasapak. I am hurting too.. financially. But according to last Sunday's Homily, there's nothing that is given to us that we can't survive. In short, this shall pass. To the people who had expressed their support and concern most especially to Teepee, thank you so much!

The Freak Accident.... my bad!

2008-04-14T02:50:00.000-07:00

I woke up feeling weird but I set that aside. It's Sunday, how could anything go possibly wrong? I know it's gonna be the usual routinary Sunday for me. I went to pick-up Cholo & Lui. I had a good laugh upon seeing Lui's new bangs (gosh she cut it herself!). It was way crooked and her mom had to do some more cutting just to make it look presentable. After a few minutes of drama over her bangs, we were on our way to San Mateo. Shockingly, we saw 3 car mishaps. One was in Tandang Sora, along Commonwealth & in Ampid. Three accidents in the span of a 30-minute drive! The weird feeling came back but I dare not say anything.

The day went by as expected. At around 7pm, we were on our way to bringing back the kids to Tandang Sora. There was a little argument (again!) between Lui and Cholo as to who gets to sit in front. Lui won. My Nanay and Cholo sat at the back. We were betting as to how soon Lui would fall asleep. As usual, Ampid was a little congested so I was driving very slow. I knew that far ahead was a truck and in front of me was a red car. The truck was making a signal that it's going to make a left turn and I know we were going to stop. I looked at Lui, she was falling asleep. Before I knew it, I slammed into the red car. I never really listened in my Physics class, but hey the Law of Inertia is really true! You know, an object in motion will remain in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. In my case, my car (I) was the unbalanced force, causing the red car to hit the truck as well. I initially checked on Lui. Thank God talaga for seatbelts or else, she would have hit her head on the dashboard. I knew I was in trouble. I thought I was going to faint. My knees were wobbling. I managed to check the damages that I have done. Teepee's hood folded into half. I went to the car that I hit, I checked its passengers. They were okay. The red car's bumper and right headlight was crushed due to it's impact against the truck and the rear part that I hit was also damaged. It was obvious that it was my fault. Good thing that the driver of the red car was very nice. He just said that if he had the money he would not ask me to pay for it but unfortunately he didn't have the budget. I readily apologized and said that I'm going to pay for the repair of his car. He said that he needed to have a police report and soon enough traffic enforcers came to the scene. The owner of the red car assured me that he's not going to press charges as long as I have his car fixed. My hand was shaking when I gave my license to the police. I knew that I was in serious trouble. The damage was serious and I knew it was going to cost me a lot. I cried when I saw Lui cry. She was scared and I hated myself for giving her such trauma. At the police station, we started making phone calls to my Kuya Rei, Ate Loulet and Kuya Ricky. Soon Ate Loulet came to pick-up the kids. Kuya Ricky talked to the driver of the red car and assured him that he'll be the one to fix the car. My Kuya Ricky assured me as well that he'll do everything to help me and that I should stop crying. When Kuya Rei came, he was very calm. I was expecting I'd get the worst scolding in the world. He checked Teepee's damages and was almost quiet. But, I know he's very disappointed. We decided to bring Teepee to Kuya Ricky's place.

The most calm of the whole scenario was my Nanay. She was very supportive of me. All along she was telling me that everything's gonna be okay. That it was an accident and I didn't mean for it to happen. She had talked to the other party. She kept on saying that I should be thankful that no one got hurt. Financially, it's gonna hurt me but I'll be able to earn the money again.

Now, I can't sleep. I just don't know why it happened and why now? I had so many plans for my birthday. Yup, it's my birthday next week. There are so many questions now but I hope to get the answers soon. I pray that I can sleep peacefully now. It's a totally big and costly lesson learned.

What a happy birthday!

Naisip/Na-notice/Na-realize

2008-03-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of self-assessment and I thought or noticed or realized a lot of things about me. Here are some things that I noticed or realized about myself:

Di ako ma-beso na tao. It's not that I don't like making beso. Its just that I'm not the one who starts it. Unless someone I know initiates na bumeso sa ken, walang problema sa ken. I'm never the one na nauunang bumeso.
My handwriting is getting ugly. I have to make effort to make it legible. Probably because I rarely write, puro keypad at keyboard gamit ko.
Yung physical address ko kasing haba ng byahe ko papuntang office.
Sobrang namimiss ko talaga mga students ko.
Minsan I can't help but take a second look sa mga singkit na lalake (Richard Poon, Gong Yoo, Kwon Sang Woo, Vanness).
Favorite ko these days KFC spaghetti, crepes ng Franch Baker at Jollibee tuna pie.
Naiinis ako when I text someone tas di nagrereply.
Sobrang miss ko na si Lei. But I don't wanna bother her. Parang she's so hard to reach.
Miss ko na din sina Jan, Bliss at Jen.
Miss ko na rin si Atty. Thankfully, he's coming home soon.
Almost lahat ng shirts ko striped.
Minsan it takes time for me to decide on buying something na hindi sale. And when I'm decided na, di na available yung item. Sayang!
I always say "thank you" pag nagpapaabot ako ng bayad sa jeep unlike yung ibang tao.
Saying "sorry" has become an expression. Minsan parang I sound insincere na because I always use it.
I enjoy reading other people's blog.
I don't know how to accept a compliment, whether it's about my work, my clothes, my attitude.
Hindi ako mahilig makihingi ng pagkain ng iba.
Lately, I enjoy shopping by myself.
Magaling ako mag-grocery. I compare prices talaga.
It's been almost a month since I went out.
May mga tao akong gustong kausapin pero mas mabuting huwag na lang muna.
I miss dancing.
Gusto ko ulet mag-piano kaya lang tinatamad ako magset-up.
If I was still in St. Paul, I would be getting almost a month-and-a-half summer break with pay.
It's been months since I ate isaw.
I have not been writing each month's best hirits.
Super therapeutic ang coloring book for me.

Couldn't Help But Fall for GONG YOO

2008-03-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

With two days of doing nothing, I found myself doing a DVD marathon of Coffee Prince. Seriously, I'm smitten by the lead actor, Gong Yoo. I've seen him doing a bit role in My Tutor friend, main lead was Kwon Sang Woo (my other love, hehehe!). He seems funny and playful. Physically, he's perfect though my friend was commenting that his right look smaller than the left. Have you noticed the nose, the skin, the teeth, the dimples, the smile? Sure winner! Gosh, one of my current fancies.

Missing the Little Sisters

2008-03-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

My officemate and I took a break from work and she suddenly asked me about my life in St. Paul. I told her it was a fun place to be in except of course the paperwork. It was such an experience working there because of the people that I met. My life then revolved around my students.

My students were my source of strength and they were my inspiration. They can get into my nerves at times but they sure do know how to put a smile on my face and even make me laugh to death. With them, I learned to be a kid again most often than not. At the same time, I had to play the role of the teacher and the big sister. I laughed and cried with them. I was their stage mother, photographer, make-up artist, dance instructor, booster, stand-up comedienne rolled into one. I remember on my first year of GenSci with half of I-8, we would make our discussions fast so that by Friday, we can relax and share our jokes and life stories. Yup, life stories, Paulinians love that. They can be chismosa at times. Well at least with the ones that I handled. Ahahaha! It was also the same withe II-3 Dugtong Dugong. We were the regular yet special. We would always find a way to make our discussions lively. Okay fine, Bio can get a little boring sometimes. But I sure did had fun times in our Bio classes because of them. When I handled advanced Bio classes, it became more challenging because the students were really bright. I was always at the tip of my toes. But then I discovered that these bright students are also humans like us mga taga-Lupa (term from Okay Ka, Fairy Ko. In my classes it meant regular students). They can get disappointed easily but they are very resilient. I especially love Homeroom. It's an hour where I can get to know my students as they share their views and opinions. It's also an avenue of self-discovery for them. We sometimes find ourselves crying with one another as we listen to their sharings. Yes, I get affected when my students have problems. I look forward to class recollections because I get to see them cry a lot. Seriously, I get to know them better individually. I get to understand each of them.

With all the fun times, was I ever strict? I would have to say yes when it comes to their academics. I made sure that the reason that they are in school is to study and not just to socialize. Studying was top priority for me. I hated when they fail their quizzes, subjects or not study at all. I got furious when they don't submit their requirements on time. It frustrated me because I knew how hard their parents were working just to send them to school. I've seen a lot of parents cry over their daughters. I also made sure that they behave well at times needed ~ First Friday Mass, recollections, school programs, etc. But I wasn't overly strict, I sometimes let them do their own thing for them to make a mistake. I believe that if you control them more, they tend to be more rebellious. I observe a lot. I know what they do and I give them chances. How can I forget the time when almost half of my classs brought their cellphone without surrendering to the Homeroom Team Leader?! Ayun, may isang nakalimot na mag-silent. When it sounded during the exam, it had prompted the proctor to do an inspection. Bingo! A lesson well-learned for all of them! I was once a student and I knew their tricks though I can say they are a lot smarter these days due to technology.

I miss my students. I can actually spend a whole day just talking with them and reminiscing the old times. Whether it was GenSci 2001-2002 with I-1, I-2, I-4 or I-8 non-DD; Bio 2002-2003 with II-1, II- 2, II-3 or II-5; Bio 2003-2004 with II-2, II-3 non-DD, II-6 or II-8; Bio 2004-2005 with II-3, II - 7, II-8 or II-DD; Bio 2005-2006 with II-1, II-2, II-3 or II-DD. Every school year, every batch, every class, each one a journey, a learning experience for me. I may not remember all their names or associate to which batch they belonged to, but I sure appreciate the smiles and greetings when I see them in malls, MRT or anywhere. It touches my heart that they text me just to say they're doing well in their studies especially in Bio. Last year I bumped into a group of my previous students in a mall. They were with their college classmates. When they saw me, they hurriedly approached me and proudly introduced me as the bio teacher that they were talking about. Gosh, kakatouch! Aside from my students, I also appreciate the friendships that I have built with their parents. It's an overwhelming experience when parents recognize me. Naks celeb! Seriously, it's an affirmation that they trusted me with me their daughters and I was once their partner in raising them.

Should I go back to teaching? Nah, five years was enough. I quit before it drained me out completely. It was a bitter, sweet experience but I would definitely hold the memories in my heart and in my mind. Whoops in my hypothalamus and cerebrum pala!

The Maroon 5 Concert

2008-02-25T01:46:00.000-08:00

I've been loooking forward to watching them. But then I'll be missing their concert. I hope that this won't be their last visit in Manila so that I can watch next time.

One More Chance

2008-02-24T21:14:00.000-08:00

When love ends.....
how long should you hold on?
how soon should you let go?
how do you move on?

From Star Cinema, comes a story about how tru love waits for, hopes for and needs....

Last year, my officemates were talking endlessly about this movie. Since I'm not much of a movie-goer, I had to wait for months to watch it in the comforts of my bedroom. And so I did today at 7 in the morning. This is not going to be a movie review since I'm no-expert in doing so. It's just that this movie brought back memories of awkward moments. Awkward moments with the X. Ahahaha! I never thought I'd have a flashback of what was then. What I mean by "then", is after the break up. No use talking about the relationship because it was sooooo yesterday (as Joyce would put it).

I had a lot of awkward encounters with the X after the relationship ended. Let me remind you that this happened more than 10 years ago but this morning I had a sudden rush of flashback. It's amazing that I can still remember those moments. We all know that breaking up is not easy especially the aftermath. The mornings you wanna get up but there's this invisible heavy load on your chest that keeps you immobilized on your bed. The time that you needed to keep away every single thing that will remind you of the person. The nights when you cry yourself to sleep. Putting up a face that you're okay but deep inside you're really hurting. Next comes the "trying to despise the person" but you can't help but listen about what's going on with his life.

You both agreed you'll still be friends (or at least be civil). But man, that's so difficult especially if he moved on sooner than you did. Poor you or back then, poor me! Kase naman asa pa me! Ahahaha! We both knew what was wrong with our relationship and how bad we were getting. We just needed the time to be away from each other.

As fate would simply test me, I was waiting for a ride to school when I suddenly saw him. He stopped and offered to bring me to school. He said that he was also going in that direction. I was hesitant at first but I was running late for an exam so I hopped in. At first there was total silence inside the car and I was staring out of the window. It wasn't long that he started talking - asking me about school, my friends, our friends, his family, my family. I remember answering him with one liners "yes or no" or simply a nod. Words couldn't come out of my mouth. I was praying that we get to UP real fast. I wanted the awkward moment to end. He then offered to drop me off at my building but I refused. I said that I'll just walk to save him from the hassle. Wow sentence! So when we were in Balara, I got off and said thank you. Naks another sentence! I started walking fast without turning my back. I didn't want him to see me shaking. My hands and feet were feeling cold as I took my exam. That's it! Oooooppppps before I forget, that day was his birthday! But I intentionally did not want to greet him.

A few weeks after that or almost 6 months after the break up, I remember we had a long phone conversation after I learned that he has a new girl. I was crying at the start of the conversation and he was too. He said that he did not want to hurt me and he kept saying sorry. At that point no amount of apology can compensate for the pain that I was feeling. But as mentioned we both agreed that we'll still be friends (which I think I took too seriously), so he started talking about his new love - the girl's family background, how thoughtful the girl is, how fair-skinned the girl is (mabuhay tayong mga morena!) and endless praises about the girl. Tol bumisina ka naman! Bagsak na nga eh sinipa mo pa! Sometimes they can get very insenstive, right?! Upon hearing those, I knew the friendship thing will not work and I promised myself that I will not cry over this person ever again (or so I think!).

It really took time for me to get over the pain. When I knew I was ready and okay, we just started communicating again. We were being friends again. I was seeing someone then and he was still with his girl. None of the praises that he said about the girl affected me. I was fine with it. When he said that he was going abroad, I was very excited for him and I wished him well. But when he left, it felt weird. Through e-mail I told him what I felt. But I wasn't expecting anything. I just needed to express it. It was such a relief. And since, we've become friends again, I appreciated the fact that he understood what I felt. But we can't be "us" again.

I'm not writing this to make him look bad. I had my fair share of shortcomings why the relationship ended. We were very young then. At sabi nga ni Derek Ramsay sa movie, "Sometimes it's better for two people to break up so they can grow up. It takes two grown-ups to make a relationship work." In our case, he grew up faster than I did. I know that he was hurt too. But up to this very day, I think that ending the relationship was one of the most diffult and yet one of the best decisions we have ever made in our lives. I don't have any ill-feelings towards him. In fact I am happy for him and the man that he has become. Promise! Di yan galing sa ilong. It's just that this movie had made me look back at what I went through and all the lessons that I learned after that. When one wants out of the relationship, there's no point in continuing it. There's no use in trying to make it work. For some people it can work but for us it did not. And as we say it in the office, just charge it.. charge it to experience.

Di Pa Tayo Tapos

2008-02-02T18:09:00.000-08:00

Today I blew my top over a stupid traffic situation. I was dying to get home because I haven't slept since I woke up last night and I was so tired from walking around the mall awhile ago. The minute I got into my car I was looking forward to finally getting my much deserved rest. But I knew there's going to be some slight traffic since the road leading to our subdivision is currently under construction and it's mostly one-way, kumbaga antayan ever ito. There are parts on the road that you really have to stop and give way for vehicles driving on opposite direction.

It was a smooth drive from SM City to traffic-striken Ampid. I was even telling my mom that it was so rare that there was no traffic in Ampid. I was very thankful. Then yung kalye going to our subdivision, walang dumadaan na vehicle or any tricycle. Nice! Almost close to our subdivision's entrance, there was a tricycle na makakasalubong ko. But the tricycle stopped to give way for me. To my surprise, may isang SUV na nag-overtake dun sa tricyle. Yes, sasalubungin nya ko! I wasn't about to give in coz yung aatrasan ko would be about 100 meters back. I didn't move yet hoping he'd move back. Pro gago yung driver. Since i didn't move, he was the one who moved forward. As in head on! Tinutukan nya talaga si Teepee! He was so determined na paatrasin ako or else bubungguin nya ko! I turned my engine off and swore not to move. Patigasan na 'to! Because I knew I was right. I know I'm not the best driver in the world and I have my katangahans when it comes to driving but I knew kanina I was right. Sabi ng kuya ko, in any traffic situation, kung tama ako I don't have to give in. He also said that girls won't always get special treatment on the road even if I flash my sweetest smile because most people think that lady drivers are dumb. Anyway, my mom got off from Teepee and talked to the driver of the SUV. He was insisting na tama sya. Nakita na nga nya tumabi na yung nasa una nya, sumige pa din sya! Soon enough cars and tricycles were filling-up the road and it was already a scene because the driver had the guts to raise his voice at my mom. That was too much! Much to my dismay, my mom decided to give in and moved the barricdes so that I can let the stupid SUV pass. Paksyet! I was shaking with anger. I wanted to punch him or kick him in the groin. Actually hanggang ngayon nanggigigil ako sa galit. Usually when I'm that angry, I burst into tears. But not that point. I won't give him the pleasure of seeing me cry. Grrrrrr I'm so angry!

RMK 429 driver, di pa tayo tapos! I know it's a waste to get angry over traffic. Senseless killings have been reported due to traffic misunderstandings. But Pinoy drivers have to learn!

No More Bus Rides for Me

2008-01-30T07:51:00.000-08:00

I promised myself that I will never ride any public transport bus. Today, I've had enough! Just to make it clear, di ako maarte. I'm a perennial commuter. I'm a fan of public transport since college.

Isa kong miyembro ng HonDa (as in on the dot umuwi). I was never the one to stay behind at the office. Even when I was still in St. Paul, I made sure I get out as soon as log-out time comes. I just wanna get home fast after a hard days work.

The MRT starts to operate at 5:30am. My work ends at 4:45am. So the past few weeks I've been taking the bus on my way home thinking that I can't waste my time waiting for the MRT station to open. But the bus wait and the bus ride seem to be getting worse each day. Sometimes I have to wait for the bus for about 20 minutes. It'd be okay if the bus would leave right away and drive fast. But no, buses seem to have this policy that they won't leave a bus stop unless it is at least half-full or worse, it's jammed with passengers. Every bus stop is an opportunity to pick-up passengers. I do understand the need to pick-up passengers, it's how they make a living. But man, wala namang pumapara eh! Kailangan talaga gugulin yung oras dun?! Worse points are Guadalupe, Crossing, Ortigas Ilalim, Cubao Ibabaw and Nepa Q-Mart. Imagine! If they stay like 10 minutes in these stop points, that's like 50 minutes of my life wasted! Plus other stops when passengers get off from it.

This morning was really the worst. The bus stopped in front of my office at 5:10am. It started moving at 5:20am. Then it stopped in front of Glorietta to encourage a group of construction workers to get on. It took a few minutes to convince the workers (I think they were more than 20) to come inside the bus. I was thinking "yey puno na, di na to titigil para magpasakay pa ng pasahero". It went past Guadalupe. But no, the construction workers got off at Crossing which left the bus almost empty! Oh no! By the time we reached Cubao, I could see that the sun was about to rise. Whew! I was getting impatient and it was showing on my face. As I've said, I'm one person with low EQ. But it wasn't only me who was getting irritated. I heard one passenger say, "Anong petsa na?!". Another said, "Umuwi na lang kaya ako kase mukhang gagabihin ako sa daan". Di ba naman!? To make matters worse, when I was about to get off the the bus, sabi nung conductor, "sa susunod kung nagmamadali ka, mag-taxi ka". Hmph the nerve! I just had to give him the finger. I know that's bad. Sorry na! I was really pissed. Record-breaking, I got home at 7am. I just had to check my butt if they had fused together.

I will never, ever ride the bus again. Enough of the bad smelling curtains, bad tv signals, cheap radio stations, endless Queen concert videos with Freddie Mercury jumping up and down on stage in skimpy shorts or Axl Rose of Guns N Roses in white cycling shorts, pirated movies, time-wasting bus stops and arrogant drivers and conductors. Ride the bus again? Kill me now!

2008 Hopes & Goals

2008-01-07T00:05:00.000-08:00

It's about time to claim that 2008 is gonna be a good year for me! I'm gonna be really happy this year no matter what. I have so many hopes and goals for the year. Here goes....

strengthen my relationship with God

keep my family together

go to the beach more often

have an out-of-town trip one weekend by myself

meet more people and build friendships

spend more time with friends

reconnect with friends

have a vacation in another country

visit more places in the Philippines

be healthy

no more hospitalizations

go on a serious diet

start running again

get into extreme sport

go back to badminton

never miss a big Gary V show/concert

watch Maroon 5 and Justin Timberlake concerts in Manila

have a big closet for all my clothes

lessen the shopping (especially when depressed)

pamper myself with a good massage and facial at least once a month

be more patient on the road when driving

stop being emotional and pessimistic

be a good person

stop putting off things for later

save, save and save

start having Teepee fixed

get a new car (ssssh don't tell Teepee! Besides, it's only a hope)

start learning to invest money

appreciate every little blessing that I get

learn to accept easily that things don't always turn out as I want it to be

2007 Lessons

2008-01-04T23:55:00.000-08:00

Another year ushered in and I just suddenly felt a sudden rush of hope. I was looking forward to another chance to start all over again. It's not that I had to wait for the year to end to have a fresh start. It's just that when a new starts, it's also time to start anew and look forward to better days.

2007 taught me a lot of BIG life lessons. As in lessons that changed my life because I got to know myself more especially my weaknesses, which I am still trying to work on and hopefully overcome very soon. I also got to learn from people around me. Their experiences for 2007 had made me realize a lot of things in my life as well.

What 2007 taught me:

Sometimes, I lack self-control (be it eating, shopping, matters of the heart).
Acknowledge my emotions and process it first before acting on it.
Complaining won't get any person anywhere unless you start doing something about it.
If the system cannot be changed, it's time for you to make a change in your system (start with yourself). It's probably time to quit as I did in my previous job.
I have very patient and understanding friends. During the times that I was troubled, my friends just hang out with me. They respected my space. They never forced me to open up. They were just there to keep me company.
Everybody deserves a second chance or even multiple chances.
This year taught me how to carefully choose my friends.
I am capable of hurting others and hurting myself.
I'm not the nicest person in this world but not the most evil. I know I can be nice if I want to.
There are relationships worth keeping and relationships that need to be sacrificed due to circumstances.
I don't have much luck in getting a job abroad but opportunities still come my way.
Constant praying and faith in God can help me go through difficult times.
God never stops from showering me with blessings despite all of my shortcomings.
In life there should be no regrets, only lessons learned!

Happy New Year from the Mortel Bulilits

2008-01-01T00:46:00.000-08:00

On your 18th Birthday Therese

2007-12-26T10:32:00.000-08:00

Every year we come up with ways to make each other feel special on our respective birthdays. We put so much effort in letting each other know that the friendship that we have can stand even though we don't see each other that often. We have this thing could mutual admiration society. We are each other's fans. Hehehe!

Yesterday was your 18th birthday. Happy Birthday! I did not forget your birthday. How could I do that?! I've been greeting you every Christmas for your birthday in 4 straight years. Aside from that I've been thinking of what to waer for your party. This morning I woke up with a text message from you. It says "TSK". Hahaha! You were totally expecting a greeting from me. Boohoo! It was my intention not to greet you and I was laughing so hard when I got your message. Sorry to disappoint you but it was part of my grand plan.

I might not be able to give you the best gift on your 18th birthday. But my offer of friendship stands a lifetime. I love you Therese! You're one great little sister!

My 18 wishes for you Therese:

18. A successful debut party on Friday

17. You get all the items on your wishlist

16. A relaxing rest, that you truly deserve, after your debut

15. More friendships to build

14. Peace of mind

13. Good grades in school

12. Continued happiness in your family

11. Be a world-class doctor

10. A healthy mind, body and spirit

9. A few more inches for your height

8. Someone who will love you forever

7. A blissful married life in the future

6. Self-discovery and self-enhancement to know the real you

5. Lots of love from the people around you

4. A bountiful life

3. Laugh trips with your friends

2. Continue to be a good daughter, sister and citizen of this country

1. A lifelong friendship with ME!!!!

I just want you to know that I love you and you'll always have me as your big sis!

Merry Christmas from the Mortel Bulilits

2007-12-25T00:51:00.000-08:00

The Last 90 Days

2007-12-14T21:17:00.000-08:00

I just got regularized!

I survived 90 days of probationary status at my new work. I can't believe it went by that fast. As mentioned in my previous entry, the new job was something that took my attention from what was bothering me for a number of weeks. It was a time of learning, discovery and building relationships.

It was truly a memorable three months: getting lost in finding the induction room, finding the person in-charge of induction cute, almost being late on second day of induction due to traffic, keeping myself awake by thinking that each person that came into the room represented a character and eventually mimicking them by the end of the day, shocked reaction upon knowing that the schedule is shifting and I could be working on a Saturday, paying 300 pesos worth of parking in Makati, getting acquainted with my batchmates and starting to build friendships, opening up to new friends, having a lot of fun during V&A with trainer Norris, getting tongue-tied with Honorio's tongue-twister activities, being baptized Maria Racquel, getting drunk at 9 in the morning, getting scared of trainer Abi, finding out that Abi was a schoolmate back in college, trying to enjoy transition training, sleeping at Philam, making fun of LIPS, swapping of dvds and magazines, singing videoke at Louise's place, being late for 17 minutes considering I was just at that sleeping room, finishing transition training, getting distributed to our respective teams, adjusting to the snore fest at the sleeping room and lots and lots and lots of love and support from my batchmates.

I'm sure there'll be more memories.... In the mean time, evidences of the past 90 days...

Last Day of V&A

Last Day of Training

Lunch with new Teammates

Christmas Party

A November to Remember

2007-11-29T20:15:00.000-08:00

What a way to end November!

This country had a lot to face with in just one week. The week started off with aftermaths of 2 strong typhoons. Last Tueday, the metro was rocked by an intensity 4 earthquake. Today, there was a stand-off at the Manila Peninsula & at exactly 12 midnight, a metrowide curfew will be implemented.

Natural calamities are inevitable. That we cannot question. But with what happened today, there are so many questions waiting to be answered. And at the same time, what happened today could have been avoided or it should have not come to a point that a tank forced its way to a hotel lobby and God knows how many armed men trooped the venue.

I have to admit I voted Major Trillanes for senator. I read and studied his profile before the May elections. I was pretty impressed with his achievements and principles. A man brave enough to defy his superiors. A soldier who was disgruntled with the corruption in the military division and wanted reform in the service. He became the voice of the lower-ranking soldiers. Because of these, he got the vote of the nation even if he was behind bars and with minimal campaign funds. I was glad that he won and not some actor-showbiz talkshow host who was oozing with arrogance (pikon pa!). He had to perform his duties as a senator in jail. He had an on-going trial because of the mutiny that he started back in July of 2003. But he said he was okay with that.

Whatever happened today?! He said over an interview that it wasn't planned. How come his fellow soldiers had the red armband? the speech was well-delivered? the media was all over? He said that the trial was going nowhere and he'll be convicted anyway. He cannot get justice at all. He then walked out and took over the Manila Penn. And again, a mutiny was initiated in the Makati Business District.

I believe in the Law of Action and Reaction. For every action, there is a corresponding reaction. In this kind of action, what reactions are we expecting? It had definitely made an impact to our economy. I'm not staying that we have the best economic situation today but I think we are on the right track. I bet the anti-GMA are clapping their hands with this move and are just waiting for their few minutes of exposure on tv. The fact that their behind Trillanes would be good publicity for them (Did you see the olden politician who can barely walk?!). It was almost an opportunity for them to take over and prove that this government is useless. Are we expecting to reinstate the newly-pardoned, drunkard president? Or still insist that the dead actor should have been the president of this country?

Who was ever satisfied in every regime? There's always something bad to say about every government. There would always be people who would go in a different direction. That's democracy for you! That's the spice in every regime. It makes life in this country more exciting. Every day, our elected officials would always find fault in each other and banter in every way possible.

Am I pro-GMA? Definitely not! Believe me, I curse when there's a weekly oil price hike. My brows meet when there's unbelievable traffic and the traffic enforcers are standing in one corner. I get upset with the numerous potholes in every major road in this country. I am frustrated every time an innocent life becomes a victim of senseless killing. I question where my taxes go!!!! Was it inside the paper bags given to governors or was it part of the ZTE scandal? I could rant forever about every major and minor complaint I have for this country but there's so much I can do.

As I've said, we have democracy and I am happy that there are people who speak up in my/our behalf. But do we always have to result to massive action?! Say, gather again at EDSA Shrine? I am proud to say that I was at EDSA DOS. It was a different experience. There's such a thing called saturation point that's why people had assembled at that time. But gather there again after a few months and calling it EDSA TRES?! C'mon who are we kidding?! We can't always take out everything in the streets everytime we have a problem with our government. One thing that I also believe in is compromise, meeting halfway. Will we ever see that in this country? All I can do is hope.

I'm sure there's much more that this government is going to go through in the coming days now that the issue has been deviated to the arrest of media people after the mutiny (that's gonna be another story) and the implementation of curfew starting this midnight.

Again, let's hope for the best.

Driving on Saturday Mornings

2007-11-17T21:21:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been enjoying my early Saturday morning driving. I bring Tepeee with me to work on Saturdays. Actually, I look forward to driving on the wee hours because it gives me the time to reflect about what's going on with me and around me. Of course, there's the occasional singing and tapping of fingers on the steering wheel when there's a cool song playing on the radio. But the calmness and silence of the morning just gives me a natural high. I know I should enjoy the roads and drive much faster because there are lesser vehicles. But no. I do take my time while I'm driving because I'm saving my gas and I am relishing the moment that I'm alone and there's just enough silence.

I still love driving on Friday nights because of Friday Magic Madness. In fact I miss driving on Fridays since lately I am usually asleep in the evening and I have somehow stopped tuning in to Friday Magic Madness. But for now, I just love Saturday mornings.

Unforgettable Quotes

2007-11-16T17:04:00.000-08:00

My end of the month blog usually has unforgettable quotes but I suddenly stopped posting them. The unforgettable quotes of the past months were too personal (or too painful) that I'd like to just keep them in my head. But through these past months as well, I have heard several one-liners or so from other people that I find very striking. If you said any of the quotes that follow emphatically or whatever, I just want you to know natuto, naaliw at nalito ako.

"My bad!"

Pampalit sa "I'm sorry" or "Oo na mali ako!"

"Fight the fights worth fighting for. "
Ipaglaban mo lang yung alam mong di masasayang pagod mo.

"Choose your battles."
Pag di kaya, kebs na.

"Don't spoil the natives. "
To be honest, I like hearing this. It's like saying don't give in to the whims of people who would never change and would forever stick to their beliefs even if it's no longer valid. Tama ba Tin?

"It's not my/our story to tell."
Hirit ng mga taong ayaw magsimula ng chismis at ayaw madamay sa gulo.

"Have you ever thought if he was being there for you or was he being there for himself?"
I never really thought about it. Ahahaha! Seriously, tagos!

"Balang araw, pagtatawanan na lang natin lahat ng 'to."

Hirit ng taong hopeful na matatapos at malalampasan din lahat ng problemang kinakaharap nya.

"I need to be okay so I can do the right thing. It's not easy. It's painful. But not everything that makes us happy is right. But everything that's right, even thoughpainful in the beginning will eventually turn out fine. Maybe there will come a time when that right choice will make us happy."

Woohoo winner na hirit!

"It's not about how you feel towards a person. It's about how this person makes you feel about yourself."

I agree. If the person makes you feel good about yourself, then it's a good thing. But if a person instills in you that you are not good enough and you start thinking/feeling that way about yourself, parang mali na!

"Pare umiyak ka na. Don't be so hard on yourself. More than anything else, you need to forgive yourself."

Di nga ako maiyak e.

To the Girl I refer to as B1

2007-11-12T10:09:00.000-08:00

The first time I saw you, you struck me as someone whom I'll never get along with. I told myself that you are so uptight & I don't wanna get close to you. But to my surprise we had lunch together on the second day?! That was the start of what I now treasure as one of the greatest friendships I've ever built!

I know that 2 months is such a short time to actually know a person. But somewhere along the way I know we connected. You have made those two months very light and you somehow pulled me out of my depression. I thank you for being with me almost all the time. The age gap did not make any difference (aminin mo yan!) since we both set that factor aside. Because more often than not, you have more mature suggestions and opinions. Of course, the others matter to me but it was you whom I've shared a lot of times with. I guess it's all about the personality. We both enjoy laughing, as in laughing like there's no tomorrow. We like to blog. We talk endlessly. sometimes we forget that you have to get off the bus stop in Kamuning. Ahahaha! We love our moms so much. We are so fond of our nieces and nephew. We can talk about Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Ross and Joey forever. We both lacked judgment when it comes to relationships. In fact we compete for the throne of most vulnerable & most gullible when it comes to love. We can make fun of each other without hurting one's feelings. WE JUST CLICKED!

You never took me seriously when I said that I'm sad that our batch is splitting up. A big factor of that sadness is facing the fact that I won't be spending so much time with you. Who's gonna laugh at my jokes? Who's gonna listen to my rants? Who's gonna keep me awake when I take the bus? Who's gonna walk with me from the office to the MRT station? Who's gonna understand why I'm a juice tirador? Who's gonna be B2's B1? I just got so used to having you around.

It's not the end. We'll still see each other. We'll find time to hang out. We'll still laugh at the littlest, corniest thing. I can't wait to see the outcome of your so-called "surpise". But for now, expect that when I see you I'll say:

"Hmph, tse!"

14th Flr Philam LIfe Tower BEDSPACER

2007-11-01T22:38:00.000-07:00

One of the adjustments that I had to do with my new work is the schedule. It's a bit complicated but I have to deal with it. Actually I wasn't expecting that it would be this different. That's why I was shocked when I learned about the schedule on the second day of induction.

I knew that coming to work in the wee hours of the morning is going to be a struggle. One thing, I live very far from work. Second, my vicinity is not very safe. But I want to keep this job. So I had to make plans and options.

I considered looking for a place somewhere near the office. In that way, my travel time from the office to the place where I'll be staying will be shorter and I guess much safer as compared to my hometown of San Mateo. This option will also teach me to be independent from my family. Also, I can have my sweet, continuous sleep. To add to that, the mallrat in me will enjoy Glorietta and Greenbelt. Actually, an officemate recommended a place in Makati. I wanted to talk to the house manager so that I can checkout the place but she was always out everytime I call. I had to scrap this option.

After much pondering, I have eventually come to a decision. I'll still come home to San Mateo after work. I can never live in a place where I'll be sharing a bathroom with a lot of people. I can never let go of the comforts that I have in my room. Most of all, I can't miss my Nanay's cooking and all the Goldilocks baons that she buys for me. San ka pa?!

Our work schedule now is from 4am to 12 noon. I get home around 1:30pm and doze to sleep around 3 or 4pm. Then I wake up at around 7:30pm, leave the house at 9pm and be at the Philam Life Tower Building at 10pm. I lie on one of the bunk beds at the sleeping area and wake up at 3:30am to get ready for work.

This has been my routine for about a week and a half now and I can say I have pretty much adapted to it. Imagine four nights in a week I'm there! A certified bedspacer! The sleep I get prior to work is the best. For someone who is fond of sleeping like me, I can totally live with what the bunk beds can offer. The bunk bed that I target every night is at its most strategic spot in the sleeping room - away from too much light and too much noise. And I don't even mind if someone in the room is snoring like a worn-out tractor or the person on top of the bunk bed where I'm at is such a wriggler, I still get my blissful sleep.

Moments

2007-10-08T09:42:00.000-07:00

My friend and I were talking about getting over a heartache. We both agree that there is no specific time as to when all the pain fades. But unlike her I don't let "the moment" get into me. "The moment" is a period wherein a sudden rush of thought or emotion about another person comes in. It's a sudden paralysis of thought as we put it. Ahahaha andeeeep! You can't move or react because unexpectedly something reminds you of the other person.

I don't really get into "the moment". As I've previously claimed, I've never cried over what happened and I don't see myself crying about it in the near future. It is something that I have resolved within me. When "the moment" attacks, I just let it. Maybe give it a few minutes then it's gone. I'm having "the moments" because I do acknowledge that I'm not 100% okay. But I am hopeful, you know.

Honestly, this is so far my longest "the moment" song. I froze the first time I heard the song

Cannonball
by Damien Rice

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't SAY what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love it taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love it taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her (him)
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

Hehehe! How blinded you become when you fall?! Tsk, tsk, tsk!

V&A 101

2007-10-06T08:51:00.000-07:00

I just had the first week of transition training and Norris is right. It's the REAL thing. It's really the preparation for the job that we signed up for. So far it had been a bit easy but it's serious matter. I started missing our V&A with Honorio Ramon. It was so much fun. Don't get me wrong. I have no problems with our transition trainer Abi. She's very good and she knows what she's talking about. Aside from that I think she's kind and cute.

But I do miss the fun and games of V&A. I miss the goofing around and the contagious laughter. I'm not saying that we just played around during the two weeks of V&A. It's just that Norris made it very light for us that we enjoyed every moment of it. Our almost 2-hour icebreakers were riot moments. We were like kids again. I particularly enjoyed the free speech because you know how much of a talker I am. Also I got to know my batchmates a bit more because of these activities and I learned from them as well. I just didn't like the tongue twister activities. It's one of my greatest flaws - tongue twisting. Hehehe!

Overall, the two weeks had helped us bond and I can say that Norris was instrumental for that. You gotta thank me for this one Ramone! Hehehe! Since I enjoyed the free speech activities, here are the topics/questions I answered and would have answered if it were given to me:

Explain the history of your name Rhaych.
My parents gave me the nickname RC for obvious reasons (Rachel Catherine). Growing up with a lot of lice, people called me RC. When I was in grade 5, I had a crush on a fourth year student who looked like Keempee De Leon back then. Since our names started with the same letter and the first syllable sounded alike, I patterned my name after him. Therefore I became Rhaych.

What makes you smile?
I don't want to play favorites among my nephews and nieces but Cholo never really fails to make me smile. He's now 9 years old and totally mature for his age. I just find him so smart and he can really say the most surprising things. He does well in school. He can be mischievous and all but he's excused because he's still a kid. I consider Cholo as one of my greatest blessings. He came into my life when I thought my world was going to crash down. He totally took my troubles away the minute he smiled at me when he was a newborn. I knew then that everything was going to be alright.

If you were to undergo cosmetic surgery, what part of your body would you want to change and why?
I would definitely have a rhinoplasty or a nose job. You see my nose is not so very nice. When I smile, my nose stretches and flattens almost to nothingness. It's one of the many parts of my body that I took from my dad. My brothers got their noses from my mom and they're darn good!

What did you enjoy most in highschool and college?
Highschool was the time of building lasting friendships. Going through puberty and
adolescence, we underwent a lot of changes not only physically but mentally and emotionally. It was nice to have friends around who understood the changes that I was experiencing. Aside from that, we tried to look beyond what was before us. College was a period of independence and making the right choices. It built my character and I guess college made me a tougher person.

If you were to write your wedding vows, how will it be like?
Just in case I get married, I'm going to put my wedding vow in a song. The title of the song? Secret! It sure made me cry when I heard it. It's not that popular but the message is so meaningful. I wouldn't sing it of course. I could have someone sing it for us while I play the piano.

How do you pamper yourself?
As much as I can afford, I try to visit the spa every two weeks to get a soothing massage. It relieves my body pains and the stress that slows me down. Also, I get a facial at least twice a month.

What is sexy to you and what is not?
Physically, I like a man who has a bulging but firm butt and a strong chest. I don't really like an ultramacho body with muscles and all. Just the right medium-built man. But a real sexy man for me is somehow who has something between his ears. He can talk sense and I learn from him. He doesn't have to be super smart, just someone who knows what he wants and stands by it. A man of principle. It wouldn't hurt if he also has a very good sense of humor that can add to his sexiness. I don't find a man in muscle shirt as sexy. Hello why not pick the right shirt size for you?! It's yucky to find a man with nail polish especially pinkish natural-colored ones. And please nip those nose hairs saying "hello". A man with halitosis (bad breath) should die!

If you were a TV character, who would you be and why?
I think I would be Grey's Anatomy's Izzie Stevens. I'm a goal-driven person and I won't stop unless I achieve that goal. I am also someone who looks after the welfare of my friends, constantly checking that they're okay and assuring them that I'm just around if they need me. Unfortunately, I can be like her sometimes when it comes to mattesr of the heart. I can give up everything for love. A bad thing for me!

And for the hotseat questions....
Nah! it was, is and will just be confined in the four corners of our V&A class.

As I've said in one of my free speech activities, I'm scared that I'm getting so fond of my batchmates. The thought of not being with them all the time at the office scares me. I told myself that i wouldn't be so attached to my new friends but it's hard when you have 14 people constantly backing you up. I love you guys!

Getting There

2007-09-29T19:05:00.000-07:00

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once...and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember... to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry... you will someday.
-from American Beauty

Hi guys! I'm back with a vengeance. It's been a while since I blogged and man it feels great to do this again.

What happened to me? Well aside from the fact that our phoneline had a problem for such a long time, it was also a choice on my part to stay away from the computer. Me, avoid the computer?! Oh yes! Back in the day, I thought I'd die without internet. But guess what, I did survive. Woohoo!

It's a good thing that our phoneline brokedown and I was not able to connect to the internet. As my friend said, God did it on purpose so that I can focus my attention on other things. It gave me the chance to get a better perspective on what my life was and where it was heading.

The first few weeks were a bit difficult. My health was somehow affected because I had a lot of sleepless nights. But the physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional stress that I had. The pain was just welling-up inside. I was dealing it all by myself. I had no way of releasing it. First of all, what kind of release should I do? Should I cry? I don't think so. Up to this very day, I haven't cried over what happened to me. I don't have the right to cry or complain. Besides, it's all my fault. I had the choice to do what was right but I did not. Since I got myself into this mess, I had to pull myself out of it especially the misery part. I needed to and I had to. But still, I'm taking each day at a time.

The rest was very timely because it did help me a lot. I stayed home most of the time. Of course, I was able to hang out with my friends and I felt the love just being with them. I didn't have to say anything and I'm glad that they respected my silence. The fact that I still have my family and friends brought me back to my senses. And I just had to hang on to my faith every time I felt that the pain was affecting me.

Before I knew it, I was driving really fast again. If only my brother and cousins could see how I would overtake trucks and buses along Commonwealth Avenue, they will be amazed (or I might get a scolding again). Nowadays, I've been braving EDSA like nothing. At low moments, I'd listen to Timbaland's "The Way I Are", Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" and Squareheads' "Happy". These dance songs are great picks for adrenaline because I had to endorphinize. Slowly, my life was getting back to normal. In the most unexpected time, God gave me a job which I looked forward to doing. It's such a blessing! And now that I'm undergoing training in this job, it keeps my mind off from what I went through. Aside from that, I have new friends who have been making me laugh like no other.

I know I'm on my way to recovery. There are a few adjustments and changes that I had to do in my life as part of the healing process. Some lessons in life are really learned the hard way but it makes you a stronger person in the end. You think you are in control and you know everything only to find out that you are totally wrong. I wasn't so amazing after all. In my heart, I can honestly say that there are no angry feelings or whatsoever. There's a reason that I had to go through all that. Because if not for that, I would not be the tough person that I am today. To you, thank you!

Out of Reach

by Gabrielle

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now i feel like a fool
So confused,
My hearts bruised
Was i ever loved by you?

CHORUS
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If i stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know i will be ok

But i was
So confused,
My hearts bruised
Was i ever loved by you?

CHORUS
Out of reach, so far
i never had your heart
Out of reach
Couldn't see
We were never meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes A while to regain
What is lost, inside
And i hope that in time
you'll be out of my mind
i'll be over you

But now i'm
So confused,
My hearts brused
Was i ever loved by you?

CHORUS
Out of reach
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Out of reach,
So far
you never gave your heart
In my reach, i can see
Theres a life out there
For me

Wow this is one long blog! I'm hoping for better entries in the future as I embark on another journey in my so-called life.

Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants, is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go.
- from Grey's Anatomy

Thoughtless July

2007-08-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

July was overcarried with my Canada application which we all know I gave up. It was also the month where I ended my 14-month stay with Sykes. I'm going to miss my team for sure.

I should say that July was the most difficult month for me in terms of my personal relationships. It was trying to let go of something that you'd like to hold on to forever but you can't. It's like moving forward but both your feet are tied down. It's like reaching for more air because you are out of breath.

I take full responsibility for everything that happened this month. There are some things that I can never undo but I hope that I get up and move on really soon. After all, I can never be this miserable forever. I just need time to pick up the pieces and I'm all set. It's a personal thing and I really appreciate my friends who understand what I'm going through. I may never be able to share it with you but I thank you for all the love that you're extending.

Lastly, I'd like say sorry to myself.

I Didn't Mean To Make You Mine

by Nina

Don't give me a second chance
It'll be the same
You will be the consequence
And I will have the pain
You are something else
I have to survive
That is why I say
With tears in my eyes

I wish I never opened up my heart
I didn't mean to love you baby
I wish I never let it get this far
I didn't mean to love you baby
If I could have a single wish
I'd turn back time
I didn't mean to make you
I didn't mean to make you
Mine

Don't look at me like I'm mad
I thought you would know
I was getting way too sad
It was gonna show
There was no way I could hide
I could hide the truth
So I took the risk
And fell for you

I wish I never opened up my heart
I didn't mean to love you baby
I wish I never let it get this far
I didn't mean to love you baby
If I could have a single wish
I'd turn back time
I didn't mean to make you
I didn't mean to make you
Mine

I didn't mean to make you hold me
I didn't mean to get so lonely
I didn't mean to say all this to you
I didn't mean to make you need me
I didn't mean to love you like I do
Look at what we've put us through

May Lubak

2007-07-26T02:37:00.000-07:00

May isang kalye na halos araw-araw kong dinadaanan. Isang buwan na ng simulang gawin ang kalyeng ito. Ngunit may isang lubak na tila nakalimutan nilang ayusin.

Sa tuwing aalis ako alam ko sa sarili ko na dadaanan ko na naman ang nasabing lubak kaya dapat magdahan-dahan ako pag papalapit na ako dito. Pero sadyang di ko maiwasan o matandaan na may lubak sa parteng iyon. Nagugulat na lamang ako na nalubak na naman ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit di ko maiwasan ang nasabing lubak na ito.

Sadya nga bang di ko iniiwasan para magulat ako na nalubak ako? Bakit di na lang ako dumaan sa ibang kalye ng maiwasan ang lubak na ito? Bakit parate kong nakakalimutan na may lubak pag malapit na ko dun? Sino ang aayos ng lubak na ito? Kailan ito maayos?

May lubak na di maiwasan. Parang buhay....

Giving Up

2007-07-16T00:29:00.000-07:00

With all the stress that I went through with my employment for Canada, my mom and I decided that it is not worth it. I know it's a very big opportunity but I'm still hoping that God has better plans for me. I will be staying in a while, be part of the unemployed statistics, take a hike and be back with a new and better perspective in life.

To those who got excited and sad because of my departure, I'm sorry for dragging you to those emotions but I appreciated the fact that you went your way out to meet up with me. Like I said in my previous entry, there will be no goodbyes whatever happens.

My Last Goodbye

2007-07-15T18:45:00.000-07:00

My job application to Canada has been giving me a lot of stress lately. I don't know what to feel and think anymore.

The moment I verified that I have to be there by July 29, I cried because I wasn't prepared yet. I asked for an extention and my employer said it's okay. That gave me some kind of relief because I would have more time to actually spend time with people I care most about. A few weeks later, my employer informed me that my request for an extension has been denied and they were expecting me to be there earlier, July 24. I cried again. I didn't know what to feel anymore. I suddenly thought that I won't be able to say my goodbyes to a few more people. And now, my ultimate dilemma. My visa hasn't been processed yet. I can't be there by July 24. I don't know if it's my fault or someone else or the process itself.

I don't know if I should feel relieved that my departure will be delayed. That would mean I can still spend time with my family and friends. I am scared because I don't know how long I would be delayed. I know I should go and I should get going. I told myself that I won't cry anymore. I won't be saying my goodbyes and put much effort in seeing my friends. Once my papers are ready, that's it. No more tears. No more goodbyes. I'd go as soon as possible.

This is the last time that I'm going to say goodbye whether I leave in a few days, weeks, months or not even at all.

Lost

2007-07-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

The past few days I've been driving slower than usual. I am enjoying the time of actually looking around rather than speeding up my car. It gives me the time to actually think things through. Just like this morning.

It normally takes me about 35 minutes to drive from the office to our house on Saturday mornings. But not today. I think it took about an hour and a half before I got home. I was trying to relax while I drove. It's like I was reflecting while I was driving.

I don't like what I've become. I'm still figuring out how I should start forgiving myself. I wanted to pound my head for not functioning at an appropriate time. I was staring blankly on the road thinking how I should start rebuilding myself. Leaving the country would really be able to help me. I just have to be tough as I should have been. I should have been able to slay the demons that have been haunting me. It's a heavy feeling but I know this shall pass. I would really appreciate silence now so I can go back to the root of the evil in me.

I know I'm going to bounce back from this. I just have to reassure myself that I'm the tough girl that everyone knows. I'd be smiling again.

BiG GIRLS DON'T CRY
(Fergie)

La Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, CLARITY
PEACE, SERENITY

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a MOVE ON with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I MUST GO ALONE
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I FORESEE THE DARK AHEAD IF I STAY

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'M GONNA MISS YOU LIKE A CHILD MISSES THEIR BLANKET
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

La Da Da Da Da Da

Ganto ko Kayo Tawagin

2007-07-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

Pare. Bro. 'Tol. Chong. Oist. Huy. Bes.

Call me rough or with no breeding. But this is how I sometimes call my closest friends rather than mentioning their names. I grew up like this and I don't think I'm going to change just to please a few people.

I remember one time, I was talking to my best friend on the phone and my uncle overheard me. My uncle said that he counted the number of times that I uttered "pare". He said about 20 times in an hour.

Nowadays, whether it'd be a girl or a boy, I use Bro most of the time. Kanya-kanya lang trip yan. Nawiwirduhan ka? Affected ka? Ako hinde! Deal with it!

Catch Me I'm Falling (by Toni Gonzaga)

2007-07-02T08:10:00.000-07:00

I don’t know why
But when I look in your eyes
I felt something that seems so right
You’ve got yours I’ve got mine
I think I’m losing my mind
Cause I SHOULDN'T FEEL THIS WAY

Catch me...I’m falling for you
And I don’t know what to do

How can something so wrong
Feel so right all along
Catch me…I’m falling for you
How can time be so wrong?
For love to come along
Catch me…I’m falling for you

How can love let it go?
When it has no place to go
and I can’t go along…pretending
That love isn’t here to stay
Catch me I’m falling for you

If I could just walk away
Without you from day to day
I would die just thinking of you
I know WE CAN NEVER BE
More than friends, you and me
But why do I feel this way

Catch me…I’m falling for you
And I don’t know what to do

How can something so wrong
Feel so right all along
Catch me…I’m falling for you
How can time be so wrong?
For love to come along
Catch me…I’m falling for you

Maybe someday I’ll see
Why love did this to me
Cause I can’t go along…PRETENDING
That love isn’t here to stay
Catch me I’m falling for you
Catch me…I’m falling for you

And IT'S WRONG FOR ME TO FEEL THIS WAY
Cause I don’t know what to do without you
I’M FALLING FOR YOU
Catch me…I’m falling for you

HOW CAN SOMETHING SO WRONG
FEEL SO RIGHT ALL ALONG
Catch me…I’m falling for you
How can time be so wrong?
For love to come along
Catch me…I’m falling for you

I don't know. The first time I heard this in full, I got so affected. Hahaha! I've been singing this song the past few days. As in dibdiban! I heard my niece singing this as well. The song is so apt to what I've been feeling lately. Just kidding! Well, I just like the song. Plus Toni's a good singer and it's the theme song of the Koreanovela "Which Star Are You From?" that I have finished watching. I loved it! Keep on watching it. It's so nice! Going back to the song, I can say it's my song of the moment.

Waaaah Mamimiss Ko!

2007-07-01T21:04:00.000-07:00

Thank you! I just received an e-mail from my employer granting my request that my appointment be moved on a later date. He told me that he'll let me know by next week the changes. I'd really spend quality time on my extension.

Just this morning I told Cholo and Lui that I'll be leaving soon. As soon as they hopped in my car, I can't help not to give them the tightest hug. I had to wear my shades because I was trying to hold back my tears. I started telling them about my plans of spending quality time with them and they are so game. We're gonna have fun!

Anyways, while I was driving home I was thinking of people, things and events that I'd miss when I leave. Images of people that I care most about was flashing before me. I had to tell myself that I'm driving and I can't be in an accident because I'm leaving soon. So I drove slower tha usual.

It's different when you just leave a job or relocate in a new home because there's always a way to meet up with old friends. It's different when you're miles away and talking to your loved-ones would mean money. You can't even get their hugs that will assure you that they are there and everything will be alright.

Here's a list of who and what I'd definitely miss:

Nanay. I'd miss the times that I talk to her either in my room or in the car. I'd miss the times when I share my frustrations and my problems with her. She listens very well without prejudice. Si Nanay laging nakasuporta. I don't even see a glimpse of sadness in her eyes when I told her that I'm leaving. That's how strong my Nanay is. I'd definitely miss her good cooking.
My conversations with Cholo. He is so smart. I'd miss the times when he tries to reason out, the times that I clean his toenails, the times that we talk about games, Ateneo, songs, food, TV shows. I won't get the chance to see his circumcision. I won't be able to give him the heartiest laugh ever when that time comes.
Luisa's caring arms. I'd miss the times when we snuggle, when I fix her hair, when I hear her sing and when I see her dance, when she suddenly butts in conversations ang gives out her hirits. I'd miss her kisses. She's probably going to give me more than 7 "mwahs" (which lasts for a week til I see her again on Sundays), it's gonna be hundreds. I won't see her first communion.
Eriel. I'd miss my goddaugghter's baptism and first birthday. I won't be able to hear her first words and see her development.
Kuya Rei. It is only now that we are getting close. He helps me out in almost anything. It's like all of a sudden we had put our disagreements behind us.
Kuya Roy. When he comes home every summer, I'd miss his stories and his jokes.
My cousins, my nephews and nieces. Our get-togethers and our love for food and picture-taking. I'd miss our conversations and your sometimes serious advice.
Teepee. You have been my companion for almost 3 years. You were with me when I got lost in Mandaluyong and San Juan. You had brought me to my gimmicks. You had heard me sing my heart out. I won't give you up. I'll come back for you and I'd buy you a sister. It's gonna be the latest model by then.
Rowlyn, my best friend. We don't spend so much time together but I'd really miss our conversations.
Bliss, Sally, GG, Janice, Jen my girl friends since high school. I'd miss our kakikayans and talks about our future.
Ellen, my instant gimmick confidante. I'd miss our spur of the moment gimmicks. Though we have not spent much time together lately, I know I won't have anybody who is as game as you.
My room. My sanctuary who has seen the real me. All my secrets and my frustrations are confined in this small pink room.
Vhal and Tin. The power of three. Our friendship goes beyond work. Thanks for the food trips and the breakfasts.
My BFF and long lost relative Frank. You are back but I'm the one leaving. I promise you I'll keep in touch. Don't sleep much. Hahaha!
St. Paul Family. I know that even if I left St. Paul I can always go back and feel welcome. I'll miss you Sr. Teresita, Sr. Aileen, Mrs. Magtrayo, Ms. Patino, Ms. Camacho, Mrs. Villanueva.
My teammates and RTC. Thanks for the laugh trips.
Eating at McDonalds with the company of good friends. Sure there's gonna be a McDonalds there but it's different when you enjoy the food and you have a good time with friends as well.
My students. I'd be missing our barkadahan. Advanced happy birthday and Merry Christmas mga mare!
Kathoy. I can never have isaw again without you. You will always be a perennial passenger of my car. I'd miss our misadventures.
Ruth, Mavic, Joy, Beanne and Armie. Though we are in different worlds now. I treasure talaga our friendship.
Therese, my sister. I'd miss the times when you text me and tell me that you miss me. I miss you and I'd be missing you more girl! We have this mutual admiration for each other that we can't help not to boost each other's ego. In short, we are each other's fan.
Adi and RIz, my constant breakfast buddies. I'd miss our Saturday breakfast at Mcdo and our endless daldalan.
Shopping malls and shopping especially during Sale season.
Going to the grocery.
Primetime Bida
Gary V. His mall shows and concerts.
Food strips.
Listening to Friday Magic Madness.
The Buzz. May TFC kaya dun sa pupuntahan ko?
My collection of movies.
My cds.
My computer.

I hope I can cope very well when I get there.

Hoy June-June!

2007-06-30T13:52:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of June and I can actually count the number of days that I reported to work. You may call this as an excuse: My mind is willing but my body isn't so why force myself? If I can, I would really go to work. Anyways, I only have a few more days to work before I leave. Leave? OH yeah I'm really leaving soon but last night I have e-mailed my employer and I made it sound that I need a few days of extension before I go and leave my life here. Hope they grant it.

June was a difficult time for me and my family. My father was hospitalized and we had to stretch our budget and pool our resources as well. Again to our family and friends, thank you. We hope and pray he recovers really soon so that we can go back to our normal lives.

This month was also a celebration for 3 birthdays: Luisa's, my uncle's and my Nanay's. We still managed to somehow be happy despite our problems. Thank God for another year for them.

One of my best friends in the office is back and hopefully he won't be tormented with so many problems again. Hang on pare! No more worries, you can count on me as always while I'm still here.

Then the highlight of this month happened yesterday. When I thought that my application to work abroad would take like weeks or even months, it just took a matter of days and they want me to go there ASAP. Whew! I still have things to do and I've to prepare myself really soon for that big leap.

Even though I spent most of my time at home. I've got so many issues within me. I don't know what I've been feeling lately. I've been trying to resist it because it's not going to help me in any way. I know I'll just get into deep trouble so it would be best to shut up and move away. Probably God is working that's why He wanted me to leave ASAP. "It's a sign!" as Vhal and I would jokingly say. It would be best if I'm miles away. God does know what He's doing and He's keeping me from doing the wrong decisions. Thank you God!

PS: Best hirit:
When I told my best friend (who's living in the states that I'm going) that I'm going to Montreal, his answer: "Praise God. You are saved!". I had to say "I agree too!". I can't wait to see him in December.

Be Gone in 30 Days

2007-06-29T15:52:00.000-07:00

Everything is happening so fast. I just submitted my application form last Friday and the past few days, new developments happened. I am overwhelmed with the turn out of events that I sometimes miss out important details on what my employer is sending me.

I read the letter of appointment that they sent me and it states there that my work commences July 29, 2007, A big WHAT?! That's 30 days from now! Does it mean I have to pack my bags and leave ASAP? I haven't conditioned myself that I'm leaving and I'll be gone for 3 years. What now?! I found myself shedding buckets of tears as I kept reading the letter that they sent me. I think I read the letter for more than 10 times because I wanted to be sure. It was really there black and white.

A lot of thoughts started running through my head. I had a lot of worries. What's going to happen to my family that I'll leave behind? Who's going to look after them? What will happen to my relationship with Cholo, Luisa and Eriel? I'd be missing much of their growing up years. What's going to happen to our Sunday bonding? How about my time with my cousins? I'd be missing our get togethers. What about my friends? Will they still be around when I come back? Will our bond remain? What about my present work that I have to finish until July 20? I won't have the chance to have my papers cleared and get my money. Will I have the time to prepare the things that I need? Will I ever be prepared for this?

Everything will change in my life and I'm suddenly scared. Sure I can be independent but it's different when I can have my family and friends close by. But as of now, this huge sacrifice has to be made. I can't think very well. I don't know what and where I should begin with. I have to see all my family and friends and give them each a tight hug. I need them to give me support for this endeavor that I'm going to take.

Guys, can you start hugging me now?

My Mom is 6 Decades Old Today

2007-06-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

You are my best friend. You are my enemy. You listen to me. You scold and advise me. You are my life.

I can't thank you enough for being my mother. Your strength leaves me in awe. Your patience is incomparable. Your energy is immeasurable. You are the best Nanay in this world. I hope and pray to God that we spend more years together. We have been tested really hard the past few weeks but we'll survive this together. I am always here for you. I live because of you.

Happy birthday Nanay!

Sobrang THANK YOU!

2007-06-17T16:46:00.000-07:00

it had been a very difficult time for me and my family. as we went through the storm, we thank everyone who gave prayers, support and financial assistance. we can't thank you enough. i am out of words. you are in our prayers as well. someday, we hope we can return the favor you've given us.

to my friends, officemates and cousins, you are the best!

Why Do I Love You?

2007-06-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

Is it because people say we look alike?
Is it because you are far more girly than me?
Is it because you are very smart for your age?
Is it because your smile melts anyone's heart away?
Is it because of your talkativeness?
Is it because you shower me with your hugs and kisses?
Is it because you are very organized?
Is it because you follow my instructions very well?
Is it because you listen to me?
Is it because we sing and dance together when nobody is watching?
Is it because you find my jokes funny?
Is it because you tell me you love all the time?

I say YES to all these questions and there are a million reasons why I love you. Let me just show you how much I love you as we hang out more. I love you, love you, love you Lui!

Happy 5th birthday!

i MAY say so

2007-06-01T23:30:00.000-07:00

MAY. This month flew by so fast. Or was I taking my leaves seriously not noticing the time because of too much sleep? I don't know. May was much a limbo for me. I had to take certain steps that will shape my future. Wow future! I wonder how my future looks like now that I am resigning. Resigning? I've not even handed my resignation letter. Okay next week. Verbally, I've told Tin and I believe Boss Bry has an idea. What will I say in my letter? Thank you? Then do I open up regarding my future plans? I don't know how to.

On the first week of May I looked for my anniversary at work. One year pare was no joke! Then my bro came home from Dubai and I hardly see now Cholo and Lui because my bro is making up for the lost time. In a few weeks they're back in my loving arms. Mwahahaha! On my very first vacation leave, I realized I am so tired and I don't want to continue what I am doing at work. I had decided to say goodbye. Oh well July is more than a month to go. And from there? I might take the work offer in Canada seriously. Yup, Canada. I was just browsing and applying endlessly in the internet for work abroad and soon enough I got a reply from a company based in Canada. I'm not going to be jobless after all. I might take a shot. What's there to lose anyway?

One good memory of this merry month of May was our team-building in Baguio. Road trip galore and it was such an adventure. All expense paid. Whoa! I enjoyed amidst my throbbing headache. Thankfully, the migraine attack was not very bad or I would have ruined our trip. I missed going on road trips and travelling in general especially with friends. We really needed and deserved it. Thanks to ETC! You made my last few weeks memorable. If there was any problem, I hope it gets ironed out real soon and I hope that no one gets involved especially people who are not supposed to be meddling and giving unsolicited advise. Suggestion ko lang? Huwag na kayong makialam kase wala kayong matutulong at wala kayong kwenta. Go and get involved with your own dirty lives! My team will be able to survive this storm. I love you guys!

I'm such in a fighting mood but I would not stoop down to other people's level. Wait, are they even people?! This month made me realize that your every action really does have an equivalent reaction. You can go and have fun but you should know your limitations. I realized too that people who commit mistakes should be given not just a second chance but a lot of chances. Sometimes people that we highly regard of may not be the person whom we thought he/she is. I can be a party pooper but at least I don't do stupid things. I can be the sane one in such difficult situations. Here's the song that was playing while we were going down from Baguio:

I Hate Everyone

Some stupid chick in the checkout line
Was paying for beer with nickels and dimes
And some old man who clipped coupons
Had argued whenever they wouldn't take one
All I wanted to was buy some cigarettes
But I couldn't take it anymore so I left

I hate everyone (4x)

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

Some fucking asshole just cut me off
and gave me the finger when i fucking honked
then he proceded to put on the brakes yeah he slamed on the brakes
but i made a mistake
when i climbed out of my van he was waitin' but he was six three
and two hundred pounds of satan

I hate everyone (4x)

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

I bet you think I'm kidding
But I promise you its true
I hate most everybody
But most of all I hate
Oh, I hate you

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
And the people in the east, I hate you all
And the people I hate least, I hate you all
And the people in the west, I hate you all
And the people I like best, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

I'm on leave tonight and it feels so good. This morning I went to Trinoma with Cholo, Lui and Kuya Roy. The kids had fun in Time Zone. The promised blowout for having good grades. Sad to say I hurt my finger in the kiddie bowling alley. Boba! I have to go now, my finger is hurting again. Have to go back to my cousins.

PS:
Best hirit of the Month:
When my niece, LUi, is asked kung sino kamukha nya, she answers "tita Rc!". Good kid!

Welcome Eriel

2007-05-30T11:26:00.000-07:00

We thought she'll come out on Luisa's birthday week. Turns out she's eager to come out of mommy's tummy earlier. Amidst the fierce rain and flooding in the metro last night, Eriel Ramone A. Mortel just wants to say: "Hello everyone, I'm here now!".

Realidad ng Buhay

2007-05-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

May mga bagay pala talaga sa buhay na sadyang nangyayare.

Ang mga pangyayare o sitwasyon na inaakala natin ay nagaganap lang sa mga nababasa naten sa dyaryo, naririnig sa radyo o napapanuod sa tv ay maaari pala talagang mangyare sa totoong buhay.

Nakakagulat. Di kapanipaniwala pero TOTOO.

Isa tong aral ng buhay na di dapat ipagwalang-bahala. Sa mga sitwasyong ganito alam naten na lahat ay biktima. BIKTIMA ng PAGKAKATAON.

At dahil dito mas tama ang desisyon ko na mawala.

The Decision

2007-05-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

After spending a year in my work and experiencing my first every vacation leave last Friday, I have come to realize that I am so tired of it. Last night I stayed all night thinking if I wanna go on or just move on to another work or company. I am totally burned out and I feel I am just going to be a liability in the team.

I have come to a decision. I AM RESIGNING.

I am doing this for my own good. I don't know how my team is going to take it and what's in-store for me after this. I don't know how I'd break this decision to them later. But I have to do this. Whew this is so hard!

To My Pasaway Little Kuya

2007-05-14T22:39:00.000-07:00

Happy 9th Birthday Cholo!

I've always said that I love you. Though we have our little arguments and misunderstandings and you often make me HB, it'll not change how I feel about you. I consider you as one of my rare gifts who continuously makes me smile, laugh and hope for better days.

I'd like to see you grow up into a fine man even if it makes me feel older each year. Just be a good boy. Don't be P-A-S-A-W-A-Y! Tita is proud of what you are and what you have become. We'll have more good times. I love you my Little Kuya!

Boto Tayo

2007-05-13T17:29:00.000-07:00

Guys, don't forget to vote tomorrow ~ MAY 14, 2007. I know we have very few to choose among the senatoriables. Just choose and vote very wisely. Actually I still haven't completed my list of 12 senators. But I do advise that you go out and vote. It's our right and responsibility as well. Also don't forget to vote for senator Joker Arroyo:

When Loveteams Die

2007-05-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

Maricel & Wiiliam. Sharon & Gabby. Janno & Manilyn. Marvin & Jolina. Bobby & Angelu. Rico & CLaudine. John & Heart. Forgive me for the similes. I could go on and on with these endless loveteams but where are all these tandems now? They're all gone.

People thought and hoped they'd end up with their first loves. I was one of those too. But due to circumstances, and fate as well, it wasn't for everyone including me. But there are no regrets. I'd like to believe that through the years I had rebuilt my friendship, or at least have a civil relationship, with this person. After all, we were too young then. We were learning along the way and all the mistakes taught us big lessons making us better individuals. I'd like to think that after all the tears and pain, I'm a better person and I know myself more.

What I don't like is that I sometimes come across old acquaintances thinking that I ended up with this person. People ask me how he is or if we had gotten married or whatever. I am so identified with him. I don't know if he is too with me. Maybe because they saw us grow up and witnessed all the drama. But I'm tired of answering such questions. Sometimes they even want the complete story why it ended. It's irrtitating. They follow it up with more questions like if I'm okay, how I recovered, why haven't I gotten married. Wow such nosey people! I did hope that sometimes a simple smile will do. I'm perfectly fine. He got over it before I did and he's happily married. I haven't tied the knot with anyone because I am single and I'm very stern and careful in choosing the right person for me. Our paths haven't met yet but I'm not losing hope. Okay? Does that answer all your questions?

It's been 10 years now since the relationship ended. We got over it and moved on as it should be and you should too. Like in showbiz, we, especially me, don't owe anyone an explanation. Why don't you mind your own lives?!

Year One @ Sykes

2007-05-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

Today marks my first year in Sykes. Whew who would have thought I'd last this long!? Despite all the hardships and pain, I'm still there. Countless times I have considered resigning but my ego tells me not to. I was afraid of what others might say. As we are all aware of, it was a big decision that I made after 5 years of teaching. It was far from what I knew and my expertise and it was so different from my usual routine. It was a complete turn around, I should say. I wanted to prove something not for anyone else but for myself.

Honestly, I still struggle each shift. I even pray hard before I start with work that I'll be a ble to handle it. The stress level was enormous during the shift. I thought it was an easy job but it wasn't. I thought it was all fun and being able to hang out with new people. God I can only count with my fingers the number of times that I had hang out with my new friends! I thought I knew the world I was entering into but I was all wrong. I had to deal with every person with every emotion that you can think of. Sad to say, I'm a people person but it does not work in this kind of job.

I'm not saying that this kind of work is bad. I do recommend it because it made me a lot tougher. They say it's a demeaning job. Oh no, you might be surprised that the nationality that we highly regard of would have a pea size of a brain! I'm not generalizing them but I would get the shock of my life every now and then. I realized that if I let them look down on me, they will really think low of me and all of us. Discrimination is the lowest form of idealogy. I love my country more and appreciated the warmness of our race. Filipinos do rock! Of course, there were times that I would get super duper nice callers and they would be glad upon knowing that I'm a Filipino. "Filipino, Filipino, Filipino!". We would somehow divert our conversation about the Philippines: its political situation, its fine(?) weather and its vacation spots. I feel proud about being Filipino. More often than not I also learn from them. Sometimes, they would share about their life, their culture and their city. I envy the times when they tell me that they've got inches of snow when we, in the Philippines, complain about our very humid weather. I've made friends with some of our callers and I am happy that they do remember me. There were times that a caller would crack me up and the last bad call I had would just fade from my memory.

What actually keeps me hanging is my team. The relationship may not be smooth sailing but we made sure that we are always there for each other. Since we're very few in the team, we always look out for each other. Thankfully also, we have a foster team on the other side of the floor. When nights our tough, WE EAT. Amidst all the troubles that we encounter. we still manage to laugh. Our clients think that we're perfectly alright when in fact, we are not. I am glad that my booboo days are over and I can enjoy my chats with my direct supervisor Tina. I also love my team because they love McDonalds. Each time I crave for Mcdo, they also join my caprice. They stood by me when I was troubled, when people made wrong accusations about me, when people talked behind my back. It was a big storm that almost crushed me but I had my team backing me up.

No job is perfect. I know anywhere I go, one way or another, something bad will happen and I just have to deal with it. I'm hanging by a thread each time and I don't know how long this thread is.

When will I get some slack? I'm going to enjoy my vacation leaves coz I owe it all to myself. I gotta reward myself. Promise!

April... I love it!

2007-04-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

Someone mentioned that I've been saying "I love it!" quite a lot. I never really noticed it. But what the heck?! "I love it!". I have come to terms with the events that are going on with my life.

With work, there's nothing I can really do about it. It gets harder each shift. As Maroon 5 puts it: "It's getting harder and harder to breathe...". But I did look forward to the end of each shift.

It wasn't a blue summer after all. For one, I had my birthday and again I thank those who have shared the celebration with me. The greetings were good enough. I felt important. (sniff, sniff) For those who have forgotten it (Attention Kathleen Paz at si.....), sige ganyanan! Just kidding!

This was also a time for reflection. Baby you gotta give me time and I'm gonna be ready for it. Hahaha! Every big decision would take some ample time of preparation. You can't hurry love, no you just have to wait. I sound crazy now! But I appreciate the space because I needed it.

I gained a lot of weight this month. Tsk, tsk, tsk! It was because of all the feasting that I went to. Food ~ such an irresistable temptation.

April is over. Everytime my birthday comes, I always think that summer would be over soon and the freakin' heat would go away too (yehey!). But I just wanna be on the beach! Sunburn!

Will the month of May be as good as this one? I still hope so. My brother is coming home in two weeks. Will I ever set foot on the beach and enjoy the sun? Or will I gain more because of our family gatherings? Ah whatever! All I can say is April.... "I LOVE IT!".

Best hirit for the month:
"Nung bata ka, ambait-bait mo nga e tsaka sobrang tahimik mo." - Kuya Rommell, my cousin

* I really couldn't believe what he said. He's the first and only person who said that about me. I wanted to ask him if he actually saw me as kid. But guys, he was really serious. So be it, I love it! (",)

Bless You Both

2007-04-29T21:03:00.000-07:00

It's no surprise that these two would eventually end up with each other. Yup, Gladys and Pao. Gladys was a PMS co-applicant and batchmate. I'm just happy that she was one of those in our batch who can think straight even with the humor that she can sometimes put in. A beautiful Paulinian who was insecure of her forehead. C'mon THAT forehead housed THAT brain THAT made you a lawyer. THAT enough said! Hahaha!

Pao back then was a a friend of our batch because he was going out with Gladys. He would occasionally hang out and connive with us. A year later, he was to become one of our applicants but we couldn't touch Paolo. He had this sort of "immunity" from us and of course he's a friend.

Then we eventually became orgmates. It was really fun just talking to the two of them. The energy and humor were always there. How in the world can they live like that?! Of course they would have their low moments but they're Paolo and Gladys. We were their unofficial fans.

Of the two of them, Paolo showed such faith in God. I would find myself talking to Paolo about Christianity and lifting everything to The Lord. Paolo is such a nice person to begin with and his wish back then was for Gladys to walk in faith with him and The Lord. Your prayer has been answered bro!

I'm not saying that Gladys is a bad person. She is not! If she is, then I am too because we came from the same cheating batch. Hahaha! She had a free-spirited attitude but eveything fell into place. I'm so proud of you Donits!

Their most awaited day finally came and tears and smiles filled the venue. Pao, you had us not at "hello" but at the minute you positioned yourself by the altar and tearfully waited as Gladys walked down the aisle. What a moment! The wedding is beautiful. All of us wish you both a bless-filled marriage with five kids (as Paolo requested). I'll see you both soon and tawa tayo ulet. I love you both!

at alam nyo ba kay Gladys ko nakuha yung expression na "TAWA TAYO ULET!". NAKAKAHAWA. (",)

It's just another Number

2007-04-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

I guess we're adults. The question is, when did that happen, and how do we make it stop

-Grey's Anatomy

I just had my birhday weekend and I loved the simplicity of the celebration. I even had my driver's license renewed that day. Nothing fancy. Just a day to celebrate with my loved-ones. Of course, the surprises left me in awe and I so appreciate the effort that was done. Thank you!

For those who remembered to greet me and those who have celebrated with me. Thank you! My heart is just filled with happiness. You guys are really the best.

Hey, it's not yet too late to have my McDonald's party next year.

Seriously Grey's Anatomy

2007-04-18T10:49:00.000-07:00

Growing up, I've always wanted to become a doctor. But you know, there were other plans (and I don't wanna get to that at this time). Well I enjoy and still enjoy watching medical dramas. I started with Doogie Howser M.D., then E.R., then Scrubs and now I'm going gaga over Grey's Anatomy.

Oh yes! I just started watching it a few days back and I'm hooked. I know I'm sooo late. When it started its run here, I knew I was missing a lot. My friends have been talking about it and I was so clueless. Such a loser when it comes to chats about Grey's Anatomy until recently when I got a message from a friend quoting a line from the series. Seriously? SERIOUSLY, the quote struck me. It was a quote that was so appropriate at that time. I couldn't believe that the quote could be so deep that I wanted to watch it right then and there. It's like hearing Ally Mcbeal's words again but this time around the storylines would affect me so much.

And now, as I've said I'm watching. SERIOUSLY. I'm learning a lot. I can't believe that there was an illness on uncontrollabe blushing. And there is a neuron in the brain that can be operated on to cure it. Nice! It's science and of course the show is all about the drama.

And of course, what kind of show would that be without the presence of a beautiful face. I'm all for Patrick Dempsey a.k.a. Dr. Derek Shepherd. Everyone's McDreamy. SERIOUSLY! What a sight! It's the chase between him or his character and Meredith. I so wanna go to med school each time I see him. I've watched his earlier movies and it was nothing. But now, he's so hot making him one of Barbara Walters 10 Most Fascinating People of 2006. He doesn't look his age. SERIOUSLY! I so wanna stroke his hair! I love it.....

Enough of Patrick Dempsey. I also enjoy T.R. Knight's character. He was everyone's best friend George. Bad boy Alex Carev, played by Justin Chambers, also surprises me with his unexpected lines especially about first kiss. Whoa that was something! How can I forget Cristina? The character who doesn't want to feel and be felt. She's the spice in the story. I can't wait to watch the succeeding episodes with Eric Dane. He, on the other hand, is McSteamy.

I don’t know how intense my addiction for Grey’s Anatomy could get. Will it be as intense as ? We’ll see about that. In the meantime, let me just go and look at McDreamy again.

From Grey's Anatomy

2007-04-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

That Knowing is better than wondering.
that Waking is better than sleeping.
And even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying.

Whoever said that "What you don't know can't hurt you" was a complete and total moron.
Because for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.